Is BDSM being accepted by the mainstream or is it just a fad that will pass?

Over the past few years I have noticed that society is seeming to change it's perception of kinky sex. Is this observation true or is it just a fad? Is it possible that our culture is coming out of the closet or is it just our society being desensitized to sex! Are people needing more  or wanting more to see what else is out there. Whatever the answer is I think it is about time. I have been hearing some statistics regarding a favorite kink of mine - chastity. I was told that the interest in male and female chastity has increased something like 600% in the past 10 years. This of course gets me thinking why. What is it about chastity that has people opening up about this fetish? Is it the ultimate form of control over the sexual needs of another? I think that is partially true. I know that forced chastity is a huge fetish in the lifestyle. For a person to willfully agree to be locked in a chastity device is a huge act of submission. I know I seem to contradict myself when I say that "willfully giving" control over to another and agreeing to be locked in a chastity device is in direct contradiction to being "forced into Chastity". While being forced to do something is a huge turn on the dominant still has to be responsible and know the submissives limits. 

Let me say something right now before we go any further - EVERYONE HAS  LIMITS!! I receive emails daily from male and female subs saying they have no limits and I can do whatever I want. That is a crock of SHIT! Everyone has limits and if you are a submissive and a dominant accepts this without question my advice to you is run. Run as far away as you can. If a dominant does not speak with you about this no limits offer then you should not submit yourself to that person. This brings me to another thing that is driving me crazy. With the internet people are finding out about this lifestyle and kinky play. The biggest problem is people getting online and reading about different things they think might be fun to spice up their sex lives. That would be great if people would learn about this lifestyle and learn the risks involved. I am not saying everyone does this but it is a trend that I see happening more and more.

Let me give you an example. I was watching a show the other day and it was about accidents that happen while having sex. I was shocked to see the amount of people that have had to go to the ER when they have tried something kinky and things went wrong. The last show I watched was about a chastity belt. In a nutshell a woman put a chastity belt on her boyfriend (his idea of course) while she was on a week long business trip. Upon returning home, her boyfriend was ready to have the belt taken off. She told him that she had lost the key on accident. Now that right there is how I know that these two people were not seriously into the lifestyle. You should never, ever lock someone into a chastity belt and then leave for any amount of time and not have an extra key some where that the person in chastity can access in case of an emergency. 

First and foremost safety is #1. BDSM involves things that can be dangerous. People have died participating in activities in this lifestyle. Back to what happened to this couple. The man was so desperate to get the belt off so he took a hammer and had his girlfriend break the belt. Ouch! After they got the belt off they had to go to the ER due to the damage that happened to his penis. He ended up being fine but all this could have been avoided. If they had learned about safety when having someone in chastity they would have known to have a key somewhere the submissive could have accessed in case of an emergency! Now that I see the increase in people wanting to dabble in kinky play it is more important than ever to make sure people understand the risks. 

So back to my question. Is there an increase in people interested in this lifestyle or are people now finding out about kink through the internet which has allowed them to come out of the closet? Personally I think it is a little of both. Since I do think the internet and things like Fifty shades of grey are opening people to this lifestyle, it is very important to make sure they understand the risks and know how to play safely. For my part I am starting a blog about BDSM safety. I love input from others so I invite anyone to let me know if they would like to contribute to the blog. To check my new blog visit bdsmsafety.blogspot.com and let me know if you would like to post safety tips. That's all I have for now!

Kisses,

MrsClaudia

In Loving Memory of Mistress Raven!!

My eternal love and gratitude for knowing this exceptional Mistress, mentor and friend. MrsClaudia

It has taken me a while to make this post. One of my closest friends passed away in the summer of 2013. She was an amazing woman, Mistress and friend. I miss her company and cherish the friendship we shared. I will miss her and her wisdom for the rest of my life. Her slave was one of the best and well trained submissives I have met. His life's purpose was to serve Mistress Raven and he did that beautifully. Mistress Raven was a blessing to all she touched and her passing will be felt by those who loved her forever. 

Hugs and Kisses Mistress Raven. We will see each other again!

MrsClaudia

What happened to Ms.Rika????

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Long Time - No Posts!!

Hello World. I know it has been a very long time since I have posted but as strange as it might sound I have had nothing to say. Oh I could have made up some bullshit to keep things alive but I really wanted to keep this blog in a place where it could remain informative and somewhat educational. I have been thinking for sometime now what do I really have to say. Well, when I think back to the beginning of my transformation to a Femdom Marriage I still have alot to say. Sometimes I don't realize that it doesn't have to be an awe inspiring post to be good and informative. There are many couples out there that don't have a clue how to go about changing their lives. Please do not get me wrong, all relationships take hard work. I am starting to realize more than ever that a Femdom relationship takes alot to keep growing and moving forward. It is the responsibility of both parties to keep things going. Sometimes that is easier said than done.

I hope to get back to this blog. Even if it is just a few words here and there! I have missed you all very much. There are just so many hours in the day and unfortunately time is something I have only so much of!

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. I will post before Christmas a fun and witty little banter!!

Oh by the way - the Lifestyle-Ds.com Community is doing fabulous. We have over a thousand members so we will be moving to a better platform. Starting January 1, 2009 we will be using our own Community Software Platform which will have much better forums, groups, chat and instant message capabilities and much more. Thank you for making our community a success and in the new year you will see a whole new Lifestyle-Ds.com Community! See you there!

MrsClaudia!!

Imagine if this was you! (I have and it would not be funny!!)

I was forwarded this article today. I am not sure if it is real, but I can tell you I have had more than one occasion where I thought "What would happen if I lost the key or if our last key broke"(yes, one of our two keys has broken so I am down to ONE key for my Carrara Belt). Enjoy and I hope you are as amused as I was!!!

Man cut free from 'S&M' chastity belt by firemen
Exclusive By Cara Lee

Firefighters had to cut a man out of a titanium chastity belt intended for sex games last week.
Crews from Kingston fire station were called to the red-faced man's home in Ham at about 11pm on June 27 after he had spent all day trying to free himself from the device.
It took about 45 minutes for firefighters to release the man, believed to be in his 40s, from the structure. By this time he had slipped in and out of consciousness due to the pressure of the chastity belt on his genitals.


Crew manager Brennan Healey, from the fire station, said the man, of average build, had put the two-piece device on in the morning but then realised he did not have a key to open it.
His girlfriend was out of the house when he put it on but returned to find him trapped in the belt and realised she did not have the key either.
"He was very embarrassed about the situation. He was very apologetic and seemed to be wishing he wasn't there," said Mr Healey. "He seemed like a nice guy who found himself in a predicament he didn't want to be in.
"He had put a dressing gown over him but apart from that he only had the chastity belt on.
"He'd spent all day trying to get it off and was at his last tether."
Three machines were needed to cut through the titanium.
"The man had lots of swelling in his genital area," said Mr Healey. "It took a long time to release him because he was in a lot of pain, and we needed to give him oxygen.
"Firefighter Simon Mitchell did a great job and was especially hands on'. When he was released we called the London Ambulance Service who took him to hospital, but he seemed much better by then.
"His girlfriend initially seemed to find it funny but became more concerned as his condition got worse.
"I think the man wanted to use it as part of an S&M sex game with his girlfriend.
"I presumed he and his girlfriend used that sort of thing a lot - they didn't seem phased by it.
"From the inside of their house you wouldn't know they were into that sort of thing - they didn't have any shackles or anything! But then again, I didn't see their bedroom.
"He didn't want to be in that situation. That sort of thing is all right behind closed doors but when it's out in the open it's a different matter.
"He was very grateful and relieved by the time we left.
"It wasn't the usual type of job we get called to!"

This story was taken directly from "Your Local Guardian" website. You can learn more by visiting this link: http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/news/topstories/display.var.2381033.0.man_cut_free_from_sm_chastity_belt_by_firemen.php#comments

Cuckolding. Oh the tangled webs we weave!!

I know my next post was suppose to be on Spirituality and Femdom, but this topic I am speaking on today I feel is very important. It has come to my attention over the past few weeks that some men do not understand how to express to their wives their Cuckold desires. First, I want to make it perfectly clear that "cuckolding" was never something my slave asked me for. I took the knowledge I had of his other fetishes and then took MY OWN feelings on the subject and decided that this might be right for us. In order for a person to get past the fantasy portion of cuckolding and really get to it's purpose, you have to strip away all the fantasy that goes along with it. This part of Femdom is not very prevalent. I think I read where it only appealed to 5% of the whole Femdom population. I think I can understand why.

If you are a man and are going to your Wife with these thoughts of being a Cuckold, you have to understand how she will probably feel. I only give my opinion on how I would feel if my husband had come to me and expressed his desire to be a cuckold. First, I would have been hurt. I think any man that wants his Wife to be with another man in lacking in love for his Wife. I know I was a little upset when I first mentioned cuckolding to my husband and he did not react in jealousy. He was thinking about the fantasy, not the reality. It took me a while to make him understand that by him not being jealous, that I would want to be with other people, gave me the message he didn't love me. For why would someone who loves another person with all their hearts, not mind if that person was with another. I know I didn't like thinking about my husband with other women, so why would he not be upset that I was talking of being with other men (and women). Once I talked to him about my feelings and thoughts, he assured me that he didn't want me to go be with other people, it was the mental aspect of being so submissive to me that he would not leave me if I was to be with other people. Now that was something I could understand.

For me Cuckolding has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but the Domme and sub. The third person is strictly a tool, just like a chastity belt or rope is a tool. It is an object the Domme uses to help the submissive become more submissive to her. Not that I do not take into consideration the feelings of the third person, I do. I just make it clear to them that the main purpose of their being with me is to assist in making my sub more submissive. I will not be falling in love with then and leaving my husband for them. They will not become a slave to me. They are strictly a fun toy I will be playing with and putting back when I am done with it.

So, when I hear of men going to their wives and asking to be cuckolded or trying to get their wives to cuckold them by being bad lovers or whatnot, it will not work. It has to be the woman's idea to cuckold her slave and only for the purpose to make the bond between Femdom and slave stronger that I feel cuckolding would truly work. I am sure I will get comments of people telling me this is not so. Let me make this clear, this is how I feel about Cuckolding and Femdom. It is not law and I am not God. If you feel differently than great. But if you are a man trying to convince your Wife to cuckold you, you had better think long and hard about it. Make sure you have her understand that it is not that you do not love her, you do!! Think long and hard about if you are really ready to see the woman you love with another. The fantasy is wonderful. Thinking about it is fabulous. Actually doing it in real life is quite another. You had better be prepared for your Wife to either get upset or to possibly find someone else she would rather be with other than you. If you are forcing or trying to coerce a non-Femdom into cuckolding you are weaving down a slippery slope!

If you are really into Cuckold porn, realize that your Wife is not in the videos you are watching. It might turn you on to watch a bunch of performers act out cuckolding. It is much different in real life. Just please, be prepared and think long and hard about what you are asking for.

Lifestyle-Ds.com Community Site is finally launched!!

Well it's official. The Lifestyle Community I have been working on is finally ready. It has been up and running for a few weeks now but I wanted to make sure I had most of the bugs worked out before I announced it's official launch. I am still in process of adding articles, stories, interviews, photo's, video clips and so on, but it is ready for you to come and begin participating. The site is totally free to join and it will stay that way. The community will offer various articles I have written, along with some other articles I come across online that are helpful to this lifestyle. There will be monthly (or bi-monthly) online classes and chats I put together to help learn about different aspects of living a Femdom lifestyle. I have added sections for Photo albums and Video Clips to be added by members. As a member, you will have your own personal blog, profile and the ability to add articles, stories, photos, videos and forum discussions. My hope is for this Community to become a much valued resource in learning what Lifestyle Femdom is and what it is not. It will be a place women and men can come and learn what this lifestyle is all about and how to incorporate it into their lives, if they so chose.

It won't be all work and no play though. Please come and start interacting and enjoying the different fun things I will be adding. I come across fun little programs, like one that calculates which days you may cum depending on how many times per month you are allowed. It is a great tool for a Femdom to have. I am also scouring the internet for other fun games and gadgets to lighten up something that far to many people take way to seriously. In the end, BDSM and Femdom are suppose to be FUN. Let's remember that little fact!!!

As always, I encourage feedback and suggestions. Let me know what you think and if you think something can be better, let me know. I have a suggestions box on the main page where any and all suggestions are welcome. You can also post comments to this post. So come on over and let's make this Community the best it can be. You can get to the Community by clicking here.

Hugs,

MrsC

Special Announcement - Live Radio Show interviewing MrsClaudia this Saturday!

I know this is late notice but I am very excited to be announcing this. I was asked a few weeks ago to do a radio interview with EmpressAva on her Internet Radio show "Vox Erotic Radio". Vox Erotic Radio is live on an interactive social broadcasting site called talkshoe, and EmpressAva's direct link is here: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/11924. The shows starts at 10:00 pm EST and I am scheduled to begin my interview at 10:30 PM. If there is enough time, my husband will also be interviewed with me

I am sure the show will be available through archives and I will place a link to the archive on my links list as soon as I know the address. I am honored that EmpressAva would want to have me on her show. If you can, tune in and listen. I am sure it will be unforgettable!!

I also have some other exciting news coming up. I will do a full post on it tomorrow but I am going to be teaching a Questions and Answers class at DomCon LA 2008 in May. I will do an entire post on the event and my participation in it. I just received confirmation this evening that I was accepted as a presenter. DomConLA 2008 is from May 7 - May 11th at the LAX Hilton. For more information on the convention, visit this link: DomConLA 2008.

Hope everyone is doing well!! I was going to post on spirituality and BDSM but I have been counseling a few couples on Cuckolding and I want to post a very important post on the realities of cuckolding. This is one of those activities that is like fire. If you do not handle it in the right way, and show it respect, you will get BURNED!!!!! More on that later though!!!

Good night, it's late!
Hugs,


MrsClaudia

Things a male sub can do to jump start a D/s relationship!

In my previous post "What happens when life gets in the way?" I posted some great suggestions for the Female Dominant to do in a relationship when it has lost track or fizzled. Now, I want to share my thoughts of what the male submissive in a relationship can do to help their Femdom counterpart get back on track. Since a D/s relationship is based on a agreed upon Power Exchange, it is very important for the male sub to realize that his actions, or lack thereof, have a direct effect on how his Femdom acts or reacts. I know in the romance and fictional stories, it is always the Female that seems to come in, regardless of the males feelings or desires, and forces him to surrender his will and to submit. While that is great for fantasy time and fun, it is far from the reality that encompasses a 24/7 D/s relationship.

With the daily pressures a woman faces in this day and age, it can be very easy to succumb to life's worries and headaches. With all the external pressures a woman faces, is it any wonder why most women do not find this style of relationship appealing? Why, who in their right minds would want to add pressure and responsibility? No-one my dear!! That is why it is your first responsibility to make sure you are doing everything in your power to make your significant others life easier. Whether that is clearing the table after dinner, or doing the laundry one night. If your Wife (or girlfriend or significant other or whatever) is busy all day at the office (or at home with three kids) and then comes home and has to cook dinner, clean the dishes, do laundry, get the kids baths ready, do homework, etc and then you don't understand why she has no interest in D/s, well I wonder why? You like the idea of being a slave to lessen the responsibilities and worries of daily life, yet you do not think your better half has those same wants and needs? You foolish man you!!!!!!!

OK, let's get down to brass tactics! If you have already taken on more responsibility at home and have an established D/s relationship - GREAT! You can still learn how to do it better so continue reading. If you have taken on extra responsibilities around the house and have slacked off then this is for you! I know everyone runs into burnout, God knows I am right there with you! I am sharing a few things that my husband either does or has done in the past that has made my life easier or has made me feel better. That's right, your responsibility is to make your Wife FEEL BETTER too!!

OK, here goes.......................

1. Plan a date night. Get a sitter, make reservations and tell your Wife to be ready for a night out on the town. Tell her to go buy a new dress and some nice lingerie to wear. I do not care how big or small a woman is, nice lingerie always makes you feel better (and sexy too!) Call the restaurant ahead of time and have something special for your Wife. Maybe flowers, or her favorite wine. Then either have tickets for a comedy show or tickets to a movie. (or tickets to whatever - just get her out of the house for a nice evening!)

2. Draw her a bath with candles and wine and LEAVE HER ALONE FOR A WHILE. Do not sit on your knees waiting to be dismissed unless this is something that is a regular routine for the two of you. This will only piss her off, especially if she is in D/s burnout!

3. Make a book of coupons for things your Wife really needs. Not "I will make you orgasm 50 times before I am allowed to orgasm". This is also not the time or place for this. Include some coupons in there giving her the afternoon off to go shopping while you watch the kids. Then make sure you have enough money in the bank account to pay for that shopping trip!

4. Get the kids ready for bed one night, baths and all. Then come into your bedroom and tell your Wife to give you 5 minutes, you have a surprise for her. Set up massage lotion or oil and light some candles in the room. Spray some nice perfume on the sheets or covers so it will smell good when she lies down. Then tell her to come into the room, and wait for her on your knees. Tell her it is her night to be pampered and adored and you expect nothing in return. (and don't expect anything in return!) Give her a wonderful massage and then (if you are not in chastity), make sweet love to her without you cumming. If she gives you permission, great, if not - no cumming for you my dear!

5. Go grocery shopping for her. I hate grocery shopping almost as much as I hate cooking. Make sure you do not forget anything special that she eats or drinks. Ask if you are unsure!

6. Get her car detailed for her. Better yet, detail it yourself - inside and out. When you are done, leave her a love note on her seat telling her how wonderful and beautiful she is and you are the luckiest man in the world!

7. Get on your hands and knees and sit in front of her. Tell her how much you love and adore HER, not the Dominant woman you love so much. During times of burnout, it is easy for a woman to think that you love only her fierce side and not her sensitive side. A woman who feels that you only love her because she can be kinky in the bedroom is a sure fire way of losing that wonderful woman. More on that later though!!

8. I think I have said this one before but it is worth repeating: Watch a girly movie with her and by God do not BITCH about it. How many idiot man movies has she watched because she loves you? HUH?????

(note: if you will notice I have waited until the last two to bring up anything about Mistress and slave or overtly D/s actions. This is because when most women are in D/s burnout the last thing they want to do is to feel like you are pushing them to be more Dominant. Please do not do that - it is sure fire recipe for disaster!!! With that said - onto 9 and 10!)

9. Make a second coupon book with nice, fun kinky things you know your Wife likes. Not what you like, per se, but what she likes! If she adores Tease and Denial, then make a coupon giving her full control of your nether region for a week. If she likes bondage, give her a coupon and maybe a few cool pictures of stuff she might like to try. If she likes spanking, a coupon for 30 good whacks will do just fine (a new crop or paddle might be nice too!) Make it fun and make sure you have a place for those kidlets to go. A coupon book isn't as much fun when the kids are home. It will get a little dusty!!

10. Write down all the things you use to do for your Wife before the daily grind got in the way. Give it to her and ask her to mark which things she liked you to do most. Then start doing those things immediately. Nothing works better to jump start a stagnant Dominant than a submissive doing his duty. In order for the D/s dynamic to work, she will automatically become more Dominant again. Trust me!!!

Well, that is my advice to all you men out there. In my opinion, nothing beats a good, healthy D/s relationship. But like all things, sometimes life gets in the way and it is very difficult to maintain it. If you are sitting there waiting for your already stressed out Wife to force you back into submission you have another thing coming. You will be waiting a long time. The best thing you can do is to help her get back to what you both find so wonderful. It has to begin somewhere and by being the sub and man in the relationship, there is no place better to start than with you. Good luck!!!!!

My next post will be on a very important topic that might cause a little controversy. Over the past few years, I have been contacted by several woman (and men) that have a problem reconciling this type of relationship with their belief in "God". While I will not divulge what my particular religion is, I am a very spiritual person who believes in God and all He represents. I feel that my relationship, now that it is honest, open, loving, caring, monogamous, cherished and absolutely wonderful, is EXACTLY what my God wants for me. In my relationship I honor, adore, respect and love my husband. As he does with me. We bring each other up, in moral and emotions, which is more than I can say for most people married now a days. I will not make it about anything other than realizing that a D/s relationship, at it's core, has NOTHING TO DO WITH KINKY ACTS. It has to do with all the other things I just explained that my husband and I now have. Traits I wish everyone every married couple had.

This is my wish for every married couple out there. Whether or not they embrace Femdom is irrelevant. I wish you love, adoration and respect. What every man and woman deserve - to be happy!!!!

Kisses,

MrsClaudia

What would you like to see in a Femdom Community?

I have been working on launching a Free Lifestyle Femdom Community that will focus on Femdom D/s relationships. The website will include Online Classes and Workshops, articles, Instructional and Educational Video, Chat Rooms, Message Board, Instant Messenger, User Contributions (gallery, video and user article submissions) and Current / Upcoming Events in the lifestyle. So my question is:

What other things would you like to see or options you would like to have in a Femdom Community?

I know there are many other wonderful BDSM communities out there, very good ones that I am a member of. So why am I starting another one? Well I want mine to be a little different. First and foremost, I want it to be solely Female Dominant / male submissive (although Male Dom / femsubs may join and contribute). I want it to be a portal where new people learning about this lifestyle can come and learn how to avoid pitfalls and be able to interact with other lifestyle people and learn. I know that BDSM support groups are sometimes riddled with politics and controversy and I will do all in my power to make sure that DOES NOT happen with this website. I want to keep the fantasy BS out of it and make it as true to life as it can be.

I would appreciate any comments or suggestions on what different areas you would like to see in a community like this. Whether it is particular classes, interactive systems, mentoring programs, local advertisements for groups around the country, etc. I want to make this the best lifestyle website I can, and your input would be greatly appreciated. I am not doing this for myself only, I am doing it for all the people out there that want a community they can learn and grow from.

Comments and suggestions can be submitted in two ways: You can either add comments directly to this post or you can email comments directly at my yahoo email: MrsClaudia2006@yahoo.com

I do hope to hear from you. Please keep all comments and suggestions directed at the community site. Any other comments or feedback not dealing directly with the lifestyle community will be redirected to the proper place in this blog!!

Thanks everyone,
MrsClaudia and her slave hubby!!

What happens when life get's in the way?

Day after day, hour after hour, life goes on as normal. It is sweet, better than anything you have ever imagined. Little things happen every once in a while, but they are minuet in the grand scheme of things. You have wonderful friends; friends who understand all about you. They know every little nuance and secret, and they welcome you and love you unconditionally. Your marriage has finally come to a place where you are happy, truly happy. The years of power struggles, lies and betrayal have ended. Personally, you are stronger than ever. You have come into your own and you are 100% confident in who you are and what you have to offer this world. Life is good!!!

I am sure you are sitting here thinking, "What the hell does this have to do with lifestyle Femdom?", it has a lot to do with it. For some reason there are so many misconceptions on what 24/7 lifestyle Femdom is all about. People seem to think it is void of all problems and that life flows perfectly. I am constantly asked if I am ever normal, or if I am "in control" all of the time. I am also asked if my husband has an opinion on anything in our lives, or if he just bows down to everything I say and never has a say so. I have said before, many times, that this is far from the truth. While I have the final say in everything and I at all times can pull rank, life is still life. There are financial problems, family problems, career problems and marital problems.

As an example, my husband and I totally disagree on the way our children should be disciplined. He feels very strongly one way and I feel very strongly another way. This is one area we have problems in. It is easy to say that as my slave, he should go with my way, but that is easier said than done. There are also career and financial problems that add heavy stress. When our lives are turning upside down, and everyone is stressed and worried, it really disrupts the Femdom rhythm. When problems come, one after the other, a lifestyle D/s relationship is hard to keep on track. So, this brings me to my topic of this post.

How do you get your D/s lifestyle back on track when it has been disrupted for a sustained period of time. I am talking about when your marriage barely resembles Femdom anymore and you feel like you have to start from scratch. Well, there is your first task: Start from scratch. Go back to the basics. Over the past 6 months our lives have slowly succumbed to serious life stresses. There was a while there where I didn't even get a chance to see my slave, much less have him serve me. His life became so overwhelmed that I had to put our D/s relationship somewhat on hold. Not because I wanted to, but because life circumstances forced us to. I am sure there are others out there that have had or are having this same problem.

Here are a few steps I am taking that can be used to jump start your D/s relationship!

THE TASKS BELOW ARE FOR THE DOMME. ANY CHANGE MUST FIRST START WITH THE DOMME!!

1. First, I am taking a few weeks off work to refocus on my passion. I know most people do not have that luxury and I am grateful I can do that. If I was working full time, I would schedule time each day to do what I am suggesting. I am going to start reading and interacting with my online lifestyle community again, via message boards and blogs. I am going to look around for any new lifestyle communities or websites that have started in the past few months and read everything I can get my hands on that deals with lifestyle femdom.

2. I am going to read MsRika's book and re-read Elise Sutton and any other good lifestyle Femdom books in my library.

3. I am going to register for any upcoming seminars or workshops in my local area. If there were none in my local area, I would look online for any instructional DVDs to start practicing to or any online Femdom classes starting. I am not sure if there are any out there, but if I come across any I will post them on the blog. I am also going to be starting online classes and workshops through my lifestyle community when I officially launch it here soon. I will keep you posted.

4. I am going to make a commitment to attend at least one munch a month and one play party a month.

5. I am going to make a commitment to interact with other Femdoms on a regular basis either in person or online in weekly chat meetings.

6. I am going to have my slave start doing one new thing per week that he was previously doing, that has been slacked off on lately.

7. I am going to start journaling daily what things I am concerned with or any issues I need help with. Just as an example, I am having a hard time being consistent right now. I need to work on that.

8. I am going to actively seek out fictional stories or femdom videos to help jump start my imagination again.

9. I am going to call my mentor at least once per week and go over things I am needing help with.

10. I am going to make a list of everything I want my slave to start doing again, and make a schedule of when he will start doing those tasks again.

Bottom line is life gets in the way. Shit happens and the D/s dynamic gets weaker or even burns out for a while. Everything takes work and a D/s relationship is no exception. Just remember to start small and work your way up. Find some communities that you can share with or a class or online workshop to jump start your mind working again.

My next post will be on what tasks you need to give your sub or slave to get them back on track when life has gotten in the way. Regardless of what has happened, you can get back to where you were or get on track in the first place. This advice is good for brand new Femdom's or for Femdom's wanting to revitalize their floundering relationship. Hopefully I will see you around the boards and around some online classes.

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day everyone. Suggestions for fun kinky things to do this year!!

1. Go to dinner with your hubby and make him wear no underwear. Then whisper in his ear all the dirty, kinky things you will do to him when you get home. Then send him to the bathroom (with a time limit of course)!!

2. Get a Red candle and a White candle (paraffin is preferred) and drip hot wax onto his nipples in the shape of hearts.

3. Get a Valentines day balloon, make sure it has a candy heart weight. Then take some pink or red rope or twine and tie up your partners cock and balls. Take the candy heart weight and tie it to his balls and have him do a little dance for you.

4. Go to an adult bookstore and buy some dirty candy hearts. Pick out all the ones you like, then play poker. At the end, make your partner perform any tasks you have won on his candy hearts.

5. Get a heart shaped riding crop and spank him (wherever your heart desires) the number of years you have been together. Times each year by 5.

6. Make your partner kneel on the floor blindfolded. Tell him to stay there until you release him. Go get your hottest fetish or sexy outfit on. Come out and have him feel each part of your body and make him guess what you are wearing. For every mistake he makes, he has to make you cum that many times before he is allowed release. Spice it up even more, times that # by 5 (or 10, or 20 or whatever).

7. Have your partner give you a nice bubble bath, with wine and candles. If you would like company, make him kneel outside the tub and chat with you. Have him wash your body and hair, if you are really daring have him shave you. He should dry you off when you are done and then give you a nice massage with some massage oil or your favorite lotion. Have him do all of this naked with a nice red bow tied around his cock. If you prefer peace a quiet, do not allow him to speak (gags work good when they can't control themselves.)

8. Watch your favorite chick flick while you cuddle with your sub. Have him serve you crackers, cheese, fruit and wine (naked of course).

9. Give your man a nice, sexy strip tease. Make him wear his chastity belt or tie his cock and balls up where his entire member is encased in rope. Handcuff his hands behind his back to make it even hotter.

10. Finally, tie your partner to the bed spread eagle and get every toy you have out and play. Make sure he is blindfolded so he doesn't know what you will use next. If you are feeling really generous, allow him to cum, after hours of teasing. Put a condom on him and then once he has cum, take the condom put it onto a dildo and make him suck his own cum. Cut a small hole in the end of the condom after you have put it onto the dildo. If you want to watch the cum drip onto his tongue, put the dildo just above his mouth and make him stick his tongue out. It will slowly drip onto his tongue.

As always, have him thank you for allowing him to be your play toy. Whatever you do, have fun. What is life without some fun???

She finally did it - MsRika wrote a book!!

It is finally here. MsRika, a lifestyle Female Dominant, who is one of the wisest women I have ever known, has released a book. I have mentioned her website several times as an invaluable resource to the new Femdom, but a book will surely be a resource every Femdom will want in her library.

This does not only go for the women in this lifestyle, but for the men too. Her special insight into the submissive males mind is extraordinary. I hope this book is read by every person, male or female, that wants to learn more about the D/s lifestyle. I have already ordered my copy and I will post again once I have read it. I am very excited!!

Just a side note here - I am in no way affiliated or profiting from MsRika's book. She is simply a woman I admire greatly and I firmly believe she has much to offer Femdom lifestyle couples. When I was rediscovering the 24/7 D/s lifestyle, her website and advice was what I found. By far, her vast experience and real life application of the principles of a Femdom lifestyle, are what a novice Female Dominant should learn.

So, with that said, here is the link to purchase her book. http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=1923165 It is available through lulu.com. I do hope you read her book and join her message board (http://msrika.com/phpBB2/). She replies personally to most messages, and always replies to direct messages posted to her. I will be taking a break from my counseling services and website, so I will be spending most of my time reading my favorite blogs and interacting on my favorite message boards. I hope to chat with my long lost friends in the next few weeks!! I have some posts that I have been meaning to write but haven't had the time. I am glad to be back to the basics!!!!

Kisses,
MrsClaudia

The Carrara Belt is here - Finally!! (I am so excited)

Well it finally happened. The Carrara Belt arrived last week. I was like a kid in a candy shop. The box arrived and we immediately took it upstairs and ripped the box open. The contraption probably weighs 10#'s, which is a lot when you are going to wear it on your body. The waist part is lined in a soft, foam material. The actual front is solid metal and it fits like a glove.

When it was first put on my darling, we couldn't figure out how to keep it locked. It kept unlocking and finally I took it and "snap" the lock was secure! My hubby tried to wiggle out of it but there was no use. I made him wear it the first time for almost 3 hours. It rubbed around the waist and in the crotch, but he said it was surprisingly more comfortable then he had thought. It will definitely take a little getting use to, but it will work just fine. I am already teasing him that the time has come where he can say goodbye to his cock!!! At any moment I can decide that he will never touch or see his penis again, and I can make it happen! Talk about POWER!!!!

I am including some pictures of the device from different angles and with different attachments. I bought the attachable dildo and a locking metal plate for the ass. All the parts are in the pictures.

Front View of the Carrara Belt:

Side View of the Carrara Belt:

Inside the Carrara Belt:

Attachments I got:

The Dildo attached for sex while locked away!

I think you get the idea!! This is by far the most secure belt I have ever seen! It is not for everyone, but for those Chastity enthusiasts that want 100% security, this is the belt that can make it happen!!

I also had a comment by cb6kguy about the security of the CB3000 that is a great idea to fix the problem of men being able to pull out! Instructions on making the CB3000 secure so you can't pull out are in my comment section here. Since there is no way my darling can stay in this device 24/7 forever, I am going to utilize the security feature this person suggested for the CB3000. I have looked at it and it seems like it will work.

I will post how things are going and how well the belt is working. Obviously this belt isn't for everyone but for us, I think it is exactly what I have been looking for. It isn't for the faint of heart, but then again, nothing I seem to do is. Enjoy the pictures and post your comments. Come on guys, let me hear what you think. Good, Bad or indifferent!!!!

Cool lifestyle blogs I have come across!!!

I have come across some great blogs lately while I have been milling around the net again!! I just love it when I find other women like me!!!! You have to go check them out!!!!

http://punishedcuckoldhusbands.blogspot.com/

http://madamecaneincharge.wordpress.com/

Kisses,
MrsC

PS. I am posting about the Carrara belt I finally received next. Stay tunned, you won't want to miss this one!!!

Is BDSM about sex or not???

What a good question! This particular question is probably one of the most debated questions among lifestyle people.

Some people say BDSM has nothing to do with sex, while others say it is all about sex. So what do I think? I personally believe it is a combination of both. Obviously BDSM is a form of foreplay and it can be very sexual. The root to all BDSM activity is what makes you hot! I think where some people get the notion that BDSM is not about sex because of the emotional feelings that are behind BDSM.

Just the other night I was teaching two of my budding Femdoms about Tease and Denial. Now obviously Tease and Denial is all about SEX! You are denying someone the right or ability to have an orgasm until you give them permission. Even though I was doing a Tease and Denial scene, the emotional connection between myself and Madam Tiffany was incredible. It went beyond sex, and it surely went beyond just lust. I can't even describe what it was like but I can tell you everyone in the room felt it and responded. Each one of the other people became either more submissive or more Dominant. It was truly amazing.

Once you leave the bedroom, do all BDSM activities cease? In some cases, YES! BDSM for some people are all about the sex and that is totally fine! They go about their daily lives as normal as can be. Then on Friday or Saturday night they ship off Timmy and Tammy and whip out the ridding crops, rope and canes!! Then when Timmy and Tammy come home, all returns to normal.

Then there are the people where BDSM doesn't stop when they walk out of the bedroom. For them, the power exchange that happened in the bedroom, extends to other areas of their lives. The two practice the sexual part of BDSM and they also practice the non-sexual elements of BDSM. For those people, most would call them 24/7 D/s couples. Even in times when there is no overtly sexual things happening between two people who practice BDSM daily, there is still that element of intimacy and sexuality. If a male sub is doing the laundry he might not have a hard on right there, but he is still doing it for the power exchange and kink that will happen once he is in the bedroom. I do not know of anyone who practices non-sexual BDSM, period!!!

See that is where the "BDSM isn't about sex" view is outside my realm of understanding. I am reading and learning about how BDSM is not about sex but I am not really sold on that theory yet!! I would love to hear from others who think that BDSM is not about sex so I can learn that viewpoint. For me, it is all about sex and it is all about emotions. They both go hand in hand and I just can not see how they don't.

Can't wait to hear from you all!!!!

What exactly is the role of the Dominant? Part 2!

First let me say I LOVE this picture. What a great way to start a cuckolding scene!! This picture has nothing to do with my post today, except to share with you all a little fun treat for a Friday afternoon!! Now onto my post!!

In my previous post I touched on the role of the Relational Dominant, one who is in a full time relationship with her sub or slave. I could go into greater detail but I want to stay to the point of today's post. Another role a Dominant can play is the role of Teacher or Mentor. When I first began researching lifestyle D/s there were only a handful of sites that offered advice to mainly the budding Femdom. Most of the sites out there either catered to the male subs fantasies (ie:porn sites) or were Male Dom / fem sub in nature. While you can learn Dominant attributes from a male Dom, I was really looking for information on Female Dominant / male sub. I found invaluable sites like MsRika.com, Elise Sutton and FemSupreme.com.

Then I found message boards like FemmeDomme.com and various Yahoo Groups. What I lacked was being able to work one on one with an experienced Femdom either online or in person where I lived. I did a post a while ago suggesting that women contact Pro Dommes for lessons which is still a great idea. Depending on where you live though, they can be very expensive and they can also not be lifestyle Femdoms.

I really wanted to learn the relational aspects of Female Domination and integrating it into my marriage. How to figure out what I liked and what I didn't, how to not learn from my husband and how to go about changing my life. A trip to a Pro Domme for an hour would not teach me that. So I muddled through Internet land, read tons of books and basically figured things out myself. Through trial and error I eventually got what I had been wanting. That process could have gone alot smoother if I would have been able to find a mentor and marriage counselor that I could have worked with. I guess kind of like a life coach.

I did find a local person where I live that I consider my mentor and now my best friend. She counseled me and helped me through the hard times and I thank God everyday that her and I clicked like we did. She is a very busy woman and I would like to spend more time with her but I cant, so I take what I can get.

So let me get to the meat of this post. Over the past 6 months or so I have had many, many men and women contact me and ask if I would work with them, either as a couple or individually and act as a mentor or counseling and training coach. In the beginning, I only had a few so I could still handle it. It has gotten to a point now where I am at a crossroads in my life. I have been in a situation where I need to go back to work. I am an accountant and I can make descent money doing that, but my passion lies in helping other couples and individuals transform their lives. I do not have enough time in the day to do both so I have decided to give Counseling and Mentoring a shot. With that said, I have started (really transformed) my website into a couples and counseling site. I have created an area called "Slave Academy" where I will offer Seminars and Workshops, as well as links to my Mentoring and Training Programs.

I guess I am officially now a Fetish Counselor and Life Coach. I do not have anything to offer other than life experience. I am not a licensed therapist but I have changed my entire life and my self esteem is wonderful now. My marriage is better than ever and I feel like I can help other people do the same. I am so excited at the prospects of teaching other women and men how to make their marriage and relationships better!!

Originally I had no idea how much my opinions and experience mattered to people but I have quickly found out how much it does. I now am offering Mentoring and training programs to couples and individuals interested in transforming their lives into D/s based lives. I will be soon offering Seminars and Workshops in Las Vegas to couples and individuals who wish to learn everything from how to spice up their lovemaking to how to transform their entire relationship into a Female Dominant relationship. I really want to save those women out there from learning from their husbands and I want to teach men out there how to approach their wives about their desires the right way.

The Femdomme Society did an interview with me and I will be featured on their site here soon. I am also going to be working with local establishments on holding my retreat and classes hopefully once per month here in Vegas. I am so excited I could scream. So what is the point of this post. Well it is two fold.

First is to get the word out that I am offering to women and couples my assistance and training on how to transform their marriage. I am also trying to get the word out on my upcoming seminars, retreats and workshops in Vegas for people that come here to visit. If you want to look at this post as a advertisement for myself than you would be correct. I really wish I would have come across someone like me, that I could have had work with me in the beginning. To teach me technique, advice on changing and all around person who was experienced in this lifestyle to help me. I feel it is an needed service and I feel I am qualified to offer it.

So that is it. I have my regular website going that is kind of a catch all. It is a regular site that let's people come in an see my interactions and play with my husband, but it also explains more about my training and mentoring programs. I am including a little clip I have done explaining what I offer and how you can learn more. Let me remind everyone that this is my blog and if you think that this post is inappropriate for this venue then to bad. If this was a blog representing anything else then you could say that but it is not. This is my blog about me and my life. I am now officially a Mentor and Fetish Counselor and what better place to include this about myself than MY blog!!

My next post will be on the Carrara Belt coming soon. It was shipped a few weeks ago and it should be delivered anytime now. I am very excited to finally get my subby into something he cant escape from. I just hope it is as good as they claim it is!! I will let you all know!!!

What exactly is the role of the Dominant?

First, I know it has been forever and a day since I have posted anything on this blog: I am not even sure if I have any readers left. Just in case I do, I thought I would share my views on what role the Dominant plays in the D/s relationship.

There are many roles the Dominant plays, ranging from a regular, casual play partner to a full fledged Mentoring and Training Dominant. There are also Dominants that are classified as training submissives, due to the fact that they are Dominants in Training. The role of that type of Dominant is to be submissive to her trainer or Mentor, yet still Dominant to anyone that the training submissive is topping. Wow, confusing huh??

To skip any undo confusion (I will save explanation of training subs and training dommes for my next post) I will stick to explaining what the role of a Dominant is in a relational or marriage based D/s relationship is.

First and foremost a Dominant is there to nurture, guide and protect her submissive or slave. Great responsibility lies at the feet of the Dominant and this is where it is far from fun and games. When a Dominant accepts the service and submission from her husband, fiance or boyfriend, it is very significant. The Dominant needs to realize that she is responsible for the safety and well being of her slave and he is trusting her to not do many things. The submissive is trusting her to not - 1. Take advantage of him. 2. Injure or hurt him (in a bad way) 3. Abandon him, ridicule him. 4. Emotionally, psychologically or physically abuse him or 5. Humiliate him (again in a bad way). It takes great amounts of trust and respect for a submissive to allow the Dominant to take control of his life.

This never happens instantaneously, nor smoothly. The Dominant needs to pay careful attention to her submissive's actions in these early days to see where he is testing her. He can do this in a variety of ways, which usually includes, - 1. Forgetting to do certain tasks. 2. Doing only certain tasks assigned. 3. Misbehaving (to see what she will do). 4. Topping from the bottom and 5. Doing activities he is not allowed to do to see if the Dominant is really all knowing.

Now this is not a textbook kind of thing. Not every sub will do the things on this list, but most will. They want to see if the Dominant is really who they are portraying themselves to be. They want to know, for themselves, if they can really trust that they are completely under the control of another. If life is going well for the Dominant, she will notice right away that her sub is doing these things and rectify it immediately. Well, what should the Dominant do if she is really busy and is not noticing these things or if she is not in the mood to deal with testing?

Simple, COMMUNICATE. Sit down with your subby and have a little heart to heart. Remind him that you are in control and the tasks and duties you have given them are in place to HELP YOU! Whenever you dish out tasks that are meant to make your life easier, it is the responsibility of the sub to do those tasks to the best of his ability! This is not the time to test the Dominant, but to be even more pleasing and helpful to her. Explain to your sub that you know he is testing you, and there is no need for it. Explain to him again (it usually helps if he is hogtied and gagged on the floor at your feet!!!! ha!ha!) that his purpose is to be obedient, honest and most of all pleasing to You.

Then assess if you are slacking in your attention and follow through with him. If you are, set aside a certain amount of time each week to devote to your slave. He is a prized possession and one you need to honor and respect. Little things can be done each day to reinforce the D/s dynamic. As an example, I am extremely busy getting my counseling and Femdom Community site off the ground. I have also partnered with another local Femdom on a new group we are starting and I am so busy I can barely go to the bathroom. My poor slave has been neglected and he has done everything he can to tell me so. I heard him and I responded. This morning after he served me my coffee and did his foot worship, I made him lay there on the floor longer than normal and I teased him a little while. This little act of attention let him know that he is my priority and that I want to be with him. How much do you want to bet a little more attention like that will get him back on track in no time.!!!

It seems really complicated but when you break it down into the simplest form, it really isn't. It is all about the love and adoration I need, and the love and respect he needs. After all, we are all still human!!

The significance of the collar!

(Note: These pictures were taken from the video. I had professional pictures taken that will show us much clearer. I just couldn't wait to get this posted)

I know I haven’t posted in a while, so I have some good news!! First I want to explain a little about what a collaring means to me.

There is nothing more significant to a submissive than to be “owned” by their Master or Mistress. In the world of Dominance and submission, the collar represents ownership and clearly defines the commitment between the Domme and sub. For the Domme, the collar represents her property. In a public, lifestyle friendly environment, other Dommes and subs will know that your slave is owned. Basically, your submissive has been taken off the market.

Now the private meaning behind the collar.

The collar represents commitment and devotion between the Domme and sub. The Domme, by collaring her sub, is agreeing to lead, guide, protect, love (if that kind of relationship has been established) and give purpose and meaning to the slave. The commitment from the slave is of devotion, obedience, worship, adoration and complete surrender. In my particular relationship, we are married and my husband is collared to me. In a vanilla marriage, property and day to day responsibilities are split 50/50. If one partner fails to give their 50%, trouble occurs in the marriage. In a Master/slave relationship, the expectations of the relationship are well defined. It is known that all property resorts to the Dominant. Control of the entire relationship lands at the feet of the Dominant and from there the Domme decides which tasks are best handled by which partner. There is no power struggle.

Becoming a slave does not strip the submissive of all responsibility. That is purely fiction and internet land bullshit. My slaves #1 priority is to make my life easier. He is here to serve me. I do not order him around everyday, directing his every move. How does that benefit me? All that does is cause more and more work for me. I expect him to think, act and react to everything with my best interest in mind. Oh, it might be nice to be in the “Story of O” for a weekend, but come Monday my slave is back to reality.

So, to wrap this up, It is done – I have collared my darling hubby. I did a post about 6 months ago and found out that my darling had a ways to go. It officially took me a year to break down his walls and rebuild the trust that had been shattered for so long. That rebuilding went both ways. I am no angel, I have done enough to be untrustworthy. I cried like a baby at the collaring. I never thought my relationship with my husband would ever be strong enough for a collar. I was wrong. The ultimate service and gift a submissive can give a Domme is his submission. It is a gift, freely given. It is not something I can take. I did push him to surrender but in the end it was a decision he made. It showed me how much he trusts me and adores me. He trusts me with his life and that means the world to me. It was a beautiful ceremony. I have captured some pics from the video. I hope you all enjoy them. The collar is around my darlings neck and he is out of town on a family emergency. I will take some pics of it and post it later. I also see that you can upload video. Maybe I'll upload a little clip of the collaring. Like I said, it was beautiful. Did I mention I cried like a baby???

I have scheduled a time each week to update the blog. I have been so busy lately with the website and the collaring I haven’t had time to breath. I have been thinking about a post on “What is the role of the Domme”. I have had that question posed to me by a very smart submissive. Mine to be exact and I think it is a great question. Look for that post next week!!!

Does this stuff look familiar?? CBT Tape.

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