Things a male sub can do to jump start a D/s relationship!

In my previous post "What happens when life gets in the way?" I posted some great suggestions for the Female Dominant to do in a relationship when it has lost track or fizzled. Now, I want to share my thoughts of what the male submissive in a relationship can do to help their Femdom counterpart get back on track. Since a D/s relationship is based on a agreed upon Power Exchange, it is very important for the male sub to realize that his actions, or lack thereof, have a direct effect on how his Femdom acts or reacts. I know in the romance and fictional stories, it is always the Female that seems to come in, regardless of the males feelings or desires, and forces him to surrender his will and to submit. While that is great for fantasy time and fun, it is far from the reality that encompasses a 24/7 D/s relationship.

With the daily pressures a woman faces in this day and age, it can be very easy to succumb to life's worries and headaches. With all the external pressures a woman faces, is it any wonder why most women do not find this style of relationship appealing? Why, who in their right minds would want to add pressure and responsibility? No-one my dear!! That is why it is your first responsibility to make sure you are doing everything in your power to make your significant others life easier. Whether that is clearing the table after dinner, or doing the laundry one night. If your Wife (or girlfriend or significant other or whatever) is busy all day at the office (or at home with three kids) and then comes home and has to cook dinner, clean the dishes, do laundry, get the kids baths ready, do homework, etc and then you don't understand why she has no interest in D/s, well I wonder why? You like the idea of being a slave to lessen the responsibilities and worries of daily life, yet you do not think your better half has those same wants and needs? You foolish man you!!!!!!!

OK, let's get down to brass tactics! If you have already taken on more responsibility at home and have an established D/s relationship - GREAT! You can still learn how to do it better so continue reading. If you have taken on extra responsibilities around the house and have slacked off then this is for you! I know everyone runs into burnout, God knows I am right there with you! I am sharing a few things that my husband either does or has done in the past that has made my life easier or has made me feel better. That's right, your responsibility is to make your Wife FEEL BETTER too!!

OK, here goes.......................

1. Plan a date night. Get a sitter, make reservations and tell your Wife to be ready for a night out on the town. Tell her to go buy a new dress and some nice lingerie to wear. I do not care how big or small a woman is, nice lingerie always makes you feel better (and sexy too!) Call the restaurant ahead of time and have something special for your Wife. Maybe flowers, or her favorite wine. Then either have tickets for a comedy show or tickets to a movie. (or tickets to whatever - just get her out of the house for a nice evening!)

2. Draw her a bath with candles and wine and LEAVE HER ALONE FOR A WHILE. Do not sit on your knees waiting to be dismissed unless this is something that is a regular routine for the two of you. This will only piss her off, especially if she is in D/s burnout!

3. Make a book of coupons for things your Wife really needs. Not "I will make you orgasm 50 times before I am allowed to orgasm". This is also not the time or place for this. Include some coupons in there giving her the afternoon off to go shopping while you watch the kids. Then make sure you have enough money in the bank account to pay for that shopping trip!

4. Get the kids ready for bed one night, baths and all. Then come into your bedroom and tell your Wife to give you 5 minutes, you have a surprise for her. Set up massage lotion or oil and light some candles in the room. Spray some nice perfume on the sheets or covers so it will smell good when she lies down. Then tell her to come into the room, and wait for her on your knees. Tell her it is her night to be pampered and adored and you expect nothing in return. (and don't expect anything in return!) Give her a wonderful massage and then (if you are not in chastity), make sweet love to her without you cumming. If she gives you permission, great, if not - no cumming for you my dear!

5. Go grocery shopping for her. I hate grocery shopping almost as much as I hate cooking. Make sure you do not forget anything special that she eats or drinks. Ask if you are unsure!

6. Get her car detailed for her. Better yet, detail it yourself - inside and out. When you are done, leave her a love note on her seat telling her how wonderful and beautiful she is and you are the luckiest man in the world!

7. Get on your hands and knees and sit in front of her. Tell her how much you love and adore HER, not the Dominant woman you love so much. During times of burnout, it is easy for a woman to think that you love only her fierce side and not her sensitive side. A woman who feels that you only love her because she can be kinky in the bedroom is a sure fire way of losing that wonderful woman. More on that later though!!

8. I think I have said this one before but it is worth repeating: Watch a girly movie with her and by God do not BITCH about it. How many idiot man movies has she watched because she loves you? HUH?????

(note: if you will notice I have waited until the last two to bring up anything about Mistress and slave or overtly D/s actions. This is because when most women are in D/s burnout the last thing they want to do is to feel like you are pushing them to be more Dominant. Please do not do that - it is sure fire recipe for disaster!!! With that said - onto 9 and 10!)

9. Make a second coupon book with nice, fun kinky things you know your Wife likes. Not what you like, per se, but what she likes! If she adores Tease and Denial, then make a coupon giving her full control of your nether region for a week. If she likes bondage, give her a coupon and maybe a few cool pictures of stuff she might like to try. If she likes spanking, a coupon for 30 good whacks will do just fine (a new crop or paddle might be nice too!) Make it fun and make sure you have a place for those kidlets to go. A coupon book isn't as much fun when the kids are home. It will get a little dusty!!

10. Write down all the things you use to do for your Wife before the daily grind got in the way. Give it to her and ask her to mark which things she liked you to do most. Then start doing those things immediately. Nothing works better to jump start a stagnant Dominant than a submissive doing his duty. In order for the D/s dynamic to work, she will automatically become more Dominant again. Trust me!!!

Well, that is my advice to all you men out there. In my opinion, nothing beats a good, healthy D/s relationship. But like all things, sometimes life gets in the way and it is very difficult to maintain it. If you are sitting there waiting for your already stressed out Wife to force you back into submission you have another thing coming. You will be waiting a long time. The best thing you can do is to help her get back to what you both find so wonderful. It has to begin somewhere and by being the sub and man in the relationship, there is no place better to start than with you. Good luck!!!!!

My next post will be on a very important topic that might cause a little controversy. Over the past few years, I have been contacted by several woman (and men) that have a problem reconciling this type of relationship with their belief in "God". While I will not divulge what my particular religion is, I am a very spiritual person who believes in God and all He represents. I feel that my relationship, now that it is honest, open, loving, caring, monogamous, cherished and absolutely wonderful, is EXACTLY what my God wants for me. In my relationship I honor, adore, respect and love my husband. As he does with me. We bring each other up, in moral and emotions, which is more than I can say for most people married now a days. I will not make it about anything other than realizing that a D/s relationship, at it's core, has NOTHING TO DO WITH KINKY ACTS. It has to do with all the other things I just explained that my husband and I now have. Traits I wish everyone every married couple had.

This is my wish for every married couple out there. Whether or not they embrace Femdom is irrelevant. I wish you love, adoration and respect. What every man and woman deserve - to be happy!!!!

Kisses,

MrsClaudia

She finally did it - MsRika wrote a book!!

It is finally here. MsRika, a lifestyle Female Dominant, who is one of the wisest women I have ever known, has released a book. I have mentioned her website several times as an invaluable resource to the new Femdom, but a book will surely be a resource every Femdom will want in her library.

This does not only go for the women in this lifestyle, but for the men too. Her special insight into the submissive males mind is extraordinary. I hope this book is read by every person, male or female, that wants to learn more about the D/s lifestyle. I have already ordered my copy and I will post again once I have read it. I am very excited!!

Just a side note here - I am in no way affiliated or profiting from MsRika's book. She is simply a woman I admire greatly and I firmly believe she has much to offer Femdom lifestyle couples. When I was rediscovering the 24/7 D/s lifestyle, her website and advice was what I found. By far, her vast experience and real life application of the principles of a Femdom lifestyle, are what a novice Female Dominant should learn.

So, with that said, here is the link to purchase her book. http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=1923165 It is available through lulu.com. I do hope you read her book and join her message board (http://msrika.com/phpBB2/). She replies personally to most messages, and always replies to direct messages posted to her. I will be taking a break from my counseling services and website, so I will be spending most of my time reading my favorite blogs and interacting on my favorite message boards. I hope to chat with my long lost friends in the next few weeks!! I have some posts that I have been meaning to write but haven't had the time. I am glad to be back to the basics!!!!

Kisses,
MrsClaudia

The Carrara Belt is here - Finally!! (I am so excited)

Well it finally happened. The Carrara Belt arrived last week. I was like a kid in a candy shop. The box arrived and we immediately took it upstairs and ripped the box open. The contraption probably weighs 10#'s, which is a lot when you are going to wear it on your body. The waist part is lined in a soft, foam material. The actual front is solid metal and it fits like a glove.

When it was first put on my darling, we couldn't figure out how to keep it locked. It kept unlocking and finally I took it and "snap" the lock was secure! My hubby tried to wiggle out of it but there was no use. I made him wear it the first time for almost 3 hours. It rubbed around the waist and in the crotch, but he said it was surprisingly more comfortable then he had thought. It will definitely take a little getting use to, but it will work just fine. I am already teasing him that the time has come where he can say goodbye to his cock!!! At any moment I can decide that he will never touch or see his penis again, and I can make it happen! Talk about POWER!!!!

I am including some pictures of the device from different angles and with different attachments. I bought the attachable dildo and a locking metal plate for the ass. All the parts are in the pictures.

Front View of the Carrara Belt:

Side View of the Carrara Belt:

Inside the Carrara Belt:

Attachments I got:

The Dildo attached for sex while locked away!

I think you get the idea!! This is by far the most secure belt I have ever seen! It is not for everyone, but for those Chastity enthusiasts that want 100% security, this is the belt that can make it happen!!

I also had a comment by cb6kguy about the security of the CB3000 that is a great idea to fix the problem of men being able to pull out! Instructions on making the CB3000 secure so you can't pull out are in my comment section here. Since there is no way my darling can stay in this device 24/7 forever, I am going to utilize the security feature this person suggested for the CB3000. I have looked at it and it seems like it will work.

I will post how things are going and how well the belt is working. Obviously this belt isn't for everyone but for us, I think it is exactly what I have been looking for. It isn't for the faint of heart, but then again, nothing I seem to do is. Enjoy the pictures and post your comments. Come on guys, let me hear what you think. Good, Bad or indifferent!!!!

Chastity is coming!!! I am ordering the Carrara Belt this week!!

Well, I have finally made the decision to order a steel chastity belt for my little slut. So far we have tried the CB3000, the Exobelt and Mistress Lori's Chastity Tube. I really think the Lori's tube would have worked very well, but my darlings piercing got massively infected. He ended up being in the hospital for a week and then on IV antibiotics for an additional 2 weeks outside the hospital. In researching my options, the only choice I have left, if I want him in real chastity, is to go for one of the belted chastity devices made of steel. The more I think about it, the more I want there to be no way he can access any genital parts without my permission. There are so many ways for a guy to be able to cum, direct penile stimulation is just one. If his ass and balls are accessible, with a little imagination and tools, he could orgasm. Now for me, the whole purpose of being in chastity is so he CAN'T ORGASM WITHOUT MY DIRECT PERMISSION.

Chastity does go beyond that for me though. The mind fucks I could and would inflict on him are very devilish. Once I have him locked away, in a contraption where nothing, including the balls and ass can be accessed, I will taunt and tease him that if I choose he might NEVER be allowed to touch or see his cock again. Now talk about a mind fuck. I love playing with my subbys cock and I love having good ole fashioned sex with him. I won't keep him locked up forever, but the threat is still there. Oh, the games I will play!

Well here it is, the Carrara Belt made by Walter Goethals. I have done much research, and since the Mistress Lori's tube didn't work out, the next step is to go with a steel belt. I have decided to order the Carrara Concept belt, which covers the cock and balls. In addition, I am going to order the rear guard, which locks on from the outside, preventing him any anal stimulation. Then the final touch, I will also be getting the outside dildo attachment so I can force him to have intercourse with me while still being all locked away.

Add on with Dildo attachment and Rear Guard to prevent anal stimulation!!

I have had many discussions that a devoted male submissive should remain chaste because that is his Dommes wish. This is very true, and for the past 9 months, he has been obedient in that department. I am going to use Chastity as a total mind fuck with him. There is so much difference when there is force to do something. A large part of my desire is to take my husbands options away from him. I want him to know with all his heart that I "own" his cock, just as I own every other part of him. I am taking this "ownership" of a cock a little further by forcing him into inescapable chastity. Simple!

I also love tease and denial, and if I want to achieve him going months without orgasm's, with me teasing him relentlessly almost every night, physical chastity is a must. There is only so much a man can go through, regardless if he is submissive or not. This is something I want to force, and I can only force it the way I want, through this device.

I am very excited about ordering it. I have researched this particular device since November 2006. Initially, I wanted to try the less expensive brands, but now I have the justification for spending this kind of money. This belt is very expensive, but it will be well worth it. I can't wait to have him locked up, the key hanging on some part of my body, his entire groin area locked away, completely at my mercy and torture for as long as I choose. I am getting hot just thinking about it. I'll definitely keep everyone posted on my progress.

Our weekend - Eggs, Midori and the Crown Suite! Part 2!

I am a little bummed out right now. I could have sworn I took pictures of the suite we had this weekend but I guess I didn't. I just unloaded my digital camera and all I have a dirty pictures of my darling hubby. I would share but I don't think he would be very appreciative. So I am going to describe the suite as best as I can. I found a picture of the downstairs portion of the suite, but I will tell you right now this picture does not do this suite justice.

I have already decided that the collaring we are doing in September will be done at this hotel. The Alexis Park Resort is a non-gaming resort located across the street from the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. Since there is no casino, it is not as popular with out of town guests like the other hotels. If you are not bothered with having to walk across the street to gamble, then this hotel is a total winner. Now the Crown Suite, I think, was planned by a kinky architect. It offers two stories with a wrought iron banister going to the second floor. On the stairs is a jacuzzi with metal railing around it. There were so many places to tie up my hubby my head was spinning. Then the bar stools and dinning table chairs also had wrought iron to tie to. Bliss!!!

Here is a sketch of the room, which also doesn't do it justice. Upstairs there is a loft bedroom with a fireplace. The only thing I didn't like about the king bed was no frame. This was of little concern, seeing all the other options I had for restraining my intended victim.

Finally, the coffee table had a stone top with more wrought iron for tying. I wish I had a week to spend in this place. The wheels are already set in motion to have our collaring at the larger two story suite, the Regal.

So onto a little of what our weekend entailed. First thing Friday night, I started with the table. Since I am such a nice Lady, I had a towel tied to the table for better comfort. I began with a nice leather ball stretcher, thanking Ms160 for the eye candy Friday. I went out and got myself a nice little black ball stretcher and some weights. After everything was stretched and bulging, I had him lay down on the table for some good old fashioned teasing. After about 2 hours of completely fucking with him, he was allowed to cum. It was late and time for bed. We had a big weekend in front of us.

Saturday morning I woke up ready to play. This time a "Gates of Hell" was put on and a nice little leash was attached. Most of the morning, he crawled around on all fours, fetching me various instruments to tease and torture him with. What was priceless was watching him crawl up the stairs, leash in mouth, for the fourth or fifth time. Next time I think I will supply knee pads (wink!!).

We were off for a long day at the Rack with our friends and when we got back to the hotel Ms. Kali and her submissive joined us for some flogging practice. After some drinks and good ole' fashioned laughter, we retired to bed for some kinky style love making. There was tons of moaning and begging. When I woke up I was ready for my day of pampering. My husband had bought special "pampering" stuff for our weekend. I got champagne, bubble bath, sparkly lotion and spray gel. Sunday morning he bathed me in the jacuzzi located in the middle of the stairs, with the railing. While I laid there, basking in my nice smelling bubbles, he was my eye candy, handcuffed to the rail. Again we ran out of time and had to go to the Rack.

Next time, I am locking us away in that fabulous room so it can be used to it's fullest advantage. I won't forget to take pictures so you can see how nice this room is. It was one of the best weekends I have had with my husband and submissive in a while. Much deserved by us both!!

Tease and Denial. What's in it for the Domme???

One of my all time favorite playtime activities is Tease and Denial. When I first starting learning about this I was fascinated. I actually learned that this was a huge turn on for me even before I started my D/s lifestyle. It started at night when my husband and I would lie in bed together and I would lazily run my arm across his cock. At first I didn't even realize I was doing it.

Then I would start tickling his thighs and lower stomach, always sliding my arm and fingers past his cock or balls. Before I knew it he would start to breath heavily when I would do this. I began to do more and more caressing around his privates but not actually making direct contact. After a while I took it farther and would slide my hand over him and he would almost jump, trying desperately to get better contact with my hand. When he would do this I would stop. "You will just lie there and be still and quiet." Of course he did and before I knew it he was promising all kinds of things, trying to get me to go farther.

Wow, it is amazing what you can get a man to do when you tease him. Hence the benefit for the Domme. I was watching a supposed Tease and Denial video last night that was nothing more than a porn tagged as a tease and denial. The woman had the guy gagged and tied to the bed and then she proceeded to "tease" him for about 45 minutes. She even licked his cum off of him after she had let him cum!! Yeah right. The only one licking cum after one of our play sessions is my submissive!!!

As I was watching this all I kept thinking is "I hope the male submissive does not think this is what tease and denial is like!!" She was exerting 150% of her attention on him and he just layed back and enjoyed. Well, not in my world. See when you get a man so desperate to orgasm and you deny him that privilege, you can get him to say and do all kinds of things. This is where the benefit of the Domme truly comes into play.

First, you can get your submissive to a place he is willing to do pretty much anything, even things he wouldn't necessarily do otherwise. Humiliation play works really well at this point. For years and years men have complained that women don't swallow. Well, this is his opportunity to see why women don't like to swallow. Make him beg you to eat his cum off a dildo in order for him to be allowed to cum. Get him to promise that he will wash the toilets, naked with a toothbrush. Make him promise whatever you want. I promise he will comply. I am into getting him to do some pretty nasty things. You must make him do whatever you made him promise. If you don't, he will say yes to anything knowing you won't follow through. You can also follow through sometimes and not others. This works well when you get him to promise something really humiliating, he thinks you won't follow through, and then you do. Wicked I know!!

The best thing I like to do it keep him in a state of arousal for days. If you do this you will find that he becomes very attentive. The power a woman has over a man is priceless. The power that comes from knowing you can call him at work and say one nasty word and he is in instant arousal is HOT. Especially if you time it when he is in a meeting. You can make this game last as long as you like. After 3 or 4 days, a chastity device really helps to deepen the knowledge the submissive has that he is under your complete control. When you are first starting your D/s relationship, the strong D/s bond is still forming. It would be totally naive to think you could do a prolonged tease and denial play with your submissive and he would not cheat. He is just not trained well enough to have that kind of discipline!!

Other things you can do when you are playing tease and denial games is conditioning. For me, my subby is not a pain slut or masochist at all. I on the other hand am interested in more pain play. When you have a submissive you are trying to play with that doesn't necessarily enjoy pain you can have him experience this while he is ultra aroused. I love CBT. My darling likes certain less painful forms of CBT but where is the fun in that?? Then making him beg for you to do something he would never want deepens that Dominant / submissive bond. He truly has to grapple with himself to give you that power.

Then there are the mind fucks. When you have them tied down and blindfolded try this. Tease him that if he chooses not to do as you say, you will let him cum but it won't be very nice. Open a tube of Ben Gay and let him smell it. Then make him tell you what you have. Then tell him that if he doesn't comply you are going to spread it all over his nice hard cock and jack him off with it. It he is a feisty sub at all he will test you. This is when you pull out some warming lube. If you keep the Ben Gay tube close to his nose he will not be able to tell that you are not putting it on his cock. This usually works pretty well in getting him to do as you say!!

There are a thousand different things you can do. Tease and Denial is so much more than tying your submissive up and jacking him off or blowing him for 45 minutes. I don't even think that is the submissive desire. If you go and view Tease and Denial movies try and find authentic FemDom ones. If you don't, you will end up watching nothing more than a porn movie where the woman is there to please the man. I do love pleasing my submissive, and he is well pleased when I have teased him for hours, doing the things I have shared. Then when he is made to suck his cum out of a condom from my strap on he is very happy. Then make him thank you for allowing him to serve and please you!!! Now that is FemDom tease and denial!!!

There is a great article on Ms. Rika's site called "The joy of denial". She shares what the benefits of tease and denial are to the Domme and the sub. Go check it out. You won't be disappointed!!!