What exactly is the role of the Dominant?

First, I know it has been forever and a day since I have posted anything on this blog: I am not even sure if I have any readers left. Just in case I do, I thought I would share my views on what role the Dominant plays in the D/s relationship.

There are many roles the Dominant plays, ranging from a regular, casual play partner to a full fledged Mentoring and Training Dominant. There are also Dominants that are classified as training submissives, due to the fact that they are Dominants in Training. The role of that type of Dominant is to be submissive to her trainer or Mentor, yet still Dominant to anyone that the training submissive is topping. Wow, confusing huh??

To skip any undo confusion (I will save explanation of training subs and training dommes for my next post) I will stick to explaining what the role of a Dominant is in a relational or marriage based D/s relationship is.

First and foremost a Dominant is there to nurture, guide and protect her submissive or slave. Great responsibility lies at the feet of the Dominant and this is where it is far from fun and games. When a Dominant accepts the service and submission from her husband, fiance or boyfriend, it is very significant. The Dominant needs to realize that she is responsible for the safety and well being of her slave and he is trusting her to not do many things. The submissive is trusting her to not - 1. Take advantage of him. 2. Injure or hurt him (in a bad way) 3. Abandon him, ridicule him. 4. Emotionally, psychologically or physically abuse him or 5. Humiliate him (again in a bad way). It takes great amounts of trust and respect for a submissive to allow the Dominant to take control of his life.

This never happens instantaneously, nor smoothly. The Dominant needs to pay careful attention to her submissive's actions in these early days to see where he is testing her. He can do this in a variety of ways, which usually includes, - 1. Forgetting to do certain tasks. 2. Doing only certain tasks assigned. 3. Misbehaving (to see what she will do). 4. Topping from the bottom and 5. Doing activities he is not allowed to do to see if the Dominant is really all knowing.

Now this is not a textbook kind of thing. Not every sub will do the things on this list, but most will. They want to see if the Dominant is really who they are portraying themselves to be. They want to know, for themselves, if they can really trust that they are completely under the control of another. If life is going well for the Dominant, she will notice right away that her sub is doing these things and rectify it immediately. Well, what should the Dominant do if she is really busy and is not noticing these things or if she is not in the mood to deal with testing?

Simple, COMMUNICATE. Sit down with your subby and have a little heart to heart. Remind him that you are in control and the tasks and duties you have given them are in place to HELP YOU! Whenever you dish out tasks that are meant to make your life easier, it is the responsibility of the sub to do those tasks to the best of his ability! This is not the time to test the Dominant, but to be even more pleasing and helpful to her. Explain to your sub that you know he is testing you, and there is no need for it. Explain to him again (it usually helps if he is hogtied and gagged on the floor at your feet!!!! ha!ha!) that his purpose is to be obedient, honest and most of all pleasing to You.

Then assess if you are slacking in your attention and follow through with him. If you are, set aside a certain amount of time each week to devote to your slave. He is a prized possession and one you need to honor and respect. Little things can be done each day to reinforce the D/s dynamic. As an example, I am extremely busy getting my counseling and Femdom Community site off the ground. I have also partnered with another local Femdom on a new group we are starting and I am so busy I can barely go to the bathroom. My poor slave has been neglected and he has done everything he can to tell me so. I heard him and I responded. This morning after he served me my coffee and did his foot worship, I made him lay there on the floor longer than normal and I teased him a little while. This little act of attention let him know that he is my priority and that I want to be with him. How much do you want to bet a little more attention like that will get him back on track in no time.!!!

It seems really complicated but when you break it down into the simplest form, it really isn't. It is all about the love and adoration I need, and the love and respect he needs. After all, we are all still human!!

The significance of the collar!

(Note: These pictures were taken from the video. I had professional pictures taken that will show us much clearer. I just couldn't wait to get this posted)

I know I haven’t posted in a while, so I have some good news!! First I want to explain a little about what a collaring means to me.

There is nothing more significant to a submissive than to be “owned” by their Master or Mistress. In the world of Dominance and submission, the collar represents ownership and clearly defines the commitment between the Domme and sub. For the Domme, the collar represents her property. In a public, lifestyle friendly environment, other Dommes and subs will know that your slave is owned. Basically, your submissive has been taken off the market.

Now the private meaning behind the collar.

The collar represents commitment and devotion between the Domme and sub. The Domme, by collaring her sub, is agreeing to lead, guide, protect, love (if that kind of relationship has been established) and give purpose and meaning to the slave. The commitment from the slave is of devotion, obedience, worship, adoration and complete surrender. In my particular relationship, we are married and my husband is collared to me. In a vanilla marriage, property and day to day responsibilities are split 50/50. If one partner fails to give their 50%, trouble occurs in the marriage. In a Master/slave relationship, the expectations of the relationship are well defined. It is known that all property resorts to the Dominant. Control of the entire relationship lands at the feet of the Dominant and from there the Domme decides which tasks are best handled by which partner. There is no power struggle.

Becoming a slave does not strip the submissive of all responsibility. That is purely fiction and internet land bullshit. My slaves #1 priority is to make my life easier. He is here to serve me. I do not order him around everyday, directing his every move. How does that benefit me? All that does is cause more and more work for me. I expect him to think, act and react to everything with my best interest in mind. Oh, it might be nice to be in the “Story of O” for a weekend, but come Monday my slave is back to reality.

So, to wrap this up, It is done – I have collared my darling hubby. I did a post about 6 months ago and found out that my darling had a ways to go. It officially took me a year to break down his walls and rebuild the trust that had been shattered for so long. That rebuilding went both ways. I am no angel, I have done enough to be untrustworthy. I cried like a baby at the collaring. I never thought my relationship with my husband would ever be strong enough for a collar. I was wrong. The ultimate service and gift a submissive can give a Domme is his submission. It is a gift, freely given. It is not something I can take. I did push him to surrender but in the end it was a decision he made. It showed me how much he trusts me and adores me. He trusts me with his life and that means the world to me. It was a beautiful ceremony. I have captured some pics from the video. I hope you all enjoy them. The collar is around my darlings neck and he is out of town on a family emergency. I will take some pics of it and post it later. I also see that you can upload video. Maybe I'll upload a little clip of the collaring. Like I said, it was beautiful. Did I mention I cried like a baby???

I have scheduled a time each week to update the blog. I have been so busy lately with the website and the collaring I haven’t had time to breath. I have been thinking about a post on “What is the role of the Domme”. I have had that question posed to me by a very smart submissive. Mine to be exact and I think it is a great question. Look for that post next week!!!

Does this stuff look familiar?? CBT Tape.

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