What a good question! This particular question is probably one of the most debated questions among lifestyle people.
Some people say BDSM has nothing to do with sex, while others say it is all about sex. So what do I think? I personally believe it is a combination of both. Obviously BDSM is a form of foreplay and it can be very sexual. The root to all BDSM activity is what makes you hot! I think where some people get the notion that BDSM is not about sex because of the emotional feelings that are behind BDSM.
Just the other night I was teaching two of my budding Femdoms about Tease and Denial. Now obviously Tease and Denial is all about SEX! You are denying someone the right or ability to have an orgasm until you give them permission. Even though I was doing a Tease and Denial scene, the emotional connection between myself and Madam Tiffany was incredible. It went beyond sex, and it surely went beyond just lust. I can't even describe what it was like but I can tell you everyone in the room felt it and responded. Each one of the other people became either more submissive or more Dominant. It was truly amazing.
Once you leave the bedroom, do all BDSM activities cease? In some cases, YES! BDSM for some people are all about the sex and that is totally fine! They go about their daily lives as normal as can be. Then on Friday or Saturday night they ship off Timmy and Tammy and whip out the ridding crops, rope and canes!! Then when Timmy and Tammy come home, all returns to normal.
Then there are the people where BDSM doesn't stop when they walk out of the bedroom. For them, the power exchange that happened in the bedroom, extends to other areas of their lives. The two practice the sexual part of BDSM and they also practice the non-sexual elements of BDSM. For those people, most would call them 24/7 D/s couples. Even in times when there is no overtly sexual things happening between two people who practice BDSM daily, there is still that element of intimacy and sexuality. If a male sub is doing the laundry he might not have a hard on right there, but he is still doing it for the power exchange and kink that will happen once he is in the bedroom. I do not know of anyone who practices non-sexual BDSM, period!!!
See that is where the "BDSM isn't about sex" view is outside my realm of understanding. I am reading and learning about how BDSM is not about sex but I am not really sold on that theory yet!! I would love to hear from others who think that BDSM is not about sex so I can learn that viewpoint. For me, it is all about sex and it is all about emotions. They both go hand in hand and I just can not see how they don't.
Can't wait to hear from you all!!!!
12 comments:
Ms. Claudia,
I may have commented on your blog earlier. I follow it with interest. This question that you ask is full of potent potentials (I may be redundant here). I will take one point of view to present my opinion.
BDSM is not some activity that a large percentage of people would practice as a major part of their life. Exception may be “professionals” who get paid for the services, and are really not part of determining the answer to this question. What I am saying here is that one does not generally go to work and practices BDSM. There are exceptions, but exceptions do not prove a rule.
In a similar fashion, one does not go to work daily, or deals with the public and practices sex, unless one is a professional.
That is a backward way of lumping sex with BDSM. BDSM is something that you do in private or in a supportive environment. That does not say that sex and BDSM are the same, but implies that BDSM has a sexual component. The degree may determine whether it is sex or just living a weird fantasy. I have only reading material, mostly fiction, on which to base my assumption, so one might say that I am full of stuff.
My conclusion is that one can have sex without BDSM, but it is difficult or impossible to detach BDSM from sex completely unless we get into abnormal psychology in which I have no educational or actual experience (although I have been called weird).
I am trying to be less than serious here and still convey some information. I am curious to see what others have to say on this subject.
Oh absolutely it is about sex, always. For those poor couples who think they go back to dayworld after the kinky sex weekend, well obviously for them it's BDSM=having direct sex.
For those such as thee and me, even when we're not having direct sex we're living in the lifestyle and there's always a sexual aura there. To use your example, Ma'am, no I don't have a hard-on when I'm doing Her laundry...but I'm doing something sexual because i'm serving Her. Similarly, whether I'm cleaning a Lady's toilet, kneeling to bring a drink, or having direct sex...we're having sex.
Its about sex! , I have a 24/7 relation and all i think about is the time i have with my goddess in the bedroom, when she makes me wear her cb3000 ,is that not sexual? When I wake up in the morning and serve my goddess coffee at 5:30am in the morning naked and on my knees , is that not sexual? espeically when she gives me that little tease by squeezzing my member! and I dont even have to leave for work until 8:40 I adore my Goddess , But it is about sex
Hi everyone,
Thank you so much for your comments. Please forgive me for taking so long to approve them. I have been sick and have had to undergo another surgery. It seems that fall is my worst time of year. I am ok but had a little scare again with the big "C" word. All is well now. I will post more on the whole BDSM sex topic when I am feeling better.
Happy Holidays to all!!
MrsC
Hello!
I'm Alex, a leading editor of sex-astrology.com and love-shop.biz. I've found your site in google search and it seems interesting to me. That's why I would like to offer you a useful for both sides Link Exchange. I'll place your link on sex-astrology.com and you'll place my link to http://www.love-shop.biz/bdsm/index.html with text 'BDSM Sex Toys at Love-shop.biz' on your site. Are you interested? Is it ok for you? Please, let me know.
Thanks for time.
Regards, Alex
mail: palexik@gmail.com
Hi Alex,
Thank you for commenting on my blog. I would love to start a link exchange with you. I will email you privately and we can go from there!!
I am open to exchanging links with any BDSM or lifestyle friendly website. If you would like to exchange links, email me directly. My email address can be found under my profile!!
Happy Holidays everyone!
MrsClaudia
Hi Alex,
Thank you for commenting on my blog. I would love to start a link exchange with you. I will email you privately and we can go from there!!
I am open to exchanging links with any BDSM or lifestyle friendly website. If you would like to exchange links, email me directly. My email address can be found under my profile!!
Happy Holidays everyone!
MrsClaudia
I think when people say that BDSM is all about sex, they're mostly referring to the underlying sexual tension that's always there, especially if the submissive is in a chastity device.
Well for me BDSM is not about sex but that seems different from opinions expressed here but that maybe cuz my BDSM has to do with torture and Sadism and exteme and tight BDSM and so my BDSM has nothing to do with sex but is simply the Master controlling the slave and making her suffer to her limits and seeing her in agony and afterwards hearing how exhillerating it was for her to be suffering at my hand and how she could not wait till our next session.
So perhaps the difference is that for the Sadist sex does not have to be an issue at all for enjoyment of both parties.
Peace,
Ramius
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Hi Mrs. Claudia,
I am not sure I agree that BDSM is all about sex...
I do believe, however, that BDSM is all about love.
BDSM is not 'all about sex' any more than love is 'all about sex'
Certainly, sex is an important part of love (or BDSM) but it is by no means the only part IMO.
BDSM is not all about sex. The feelings you share with your Master / Mistress goes way beyond that. You develop a sense of respect, trust, love and more. Master Paul started off being simply that, yet with the more we shared we became much closer. He teaches this girl a lot about life, love, and happiness. He has done so much that our bond has become very strong. We do not simply keep BDSM in the bedroom. We have moved to doing whenever our family is not around. In addition, we have moved to where we are now in a true boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. He still receives the respect and everything that a Master would receive, but we give each other so much more at the same time. For us, BDSM is part of the play we like to do but the rules have made our relationship with each other so much better.
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