Long Time - No Posts!!

Hello World. I know it has been a very long time since I have posted but as strange as it might sound I have had nothing to say. Oh I could have made up some bullshit to keep things alive but I really wanted to keep this blog in a place where it could remain informative and somewhat educational. I have been thinking for sometime now what do I really have to say. Well, when I think back to the beginning of my transformation to a Femdom Marriage I still have alot to say. Sometimes I don't realize that it doesn't have to be an awe inspiring post to be good and informative. There are many couples out there that don't have a clue how to go about changing their lives. Please do not get me wrong, all relationships take hard work. I am starting to realize more than ever that a Femdom relationship takes alot to keep growing and moving forward. It is the responsibility of both parties to keep things going. Sometimes that is easier said than done.

I hope to get back to this blog. Even if it is just a few words here and there! I have missed you all very much. There are just so many hours in the day and unfortunately time is something I have only so much of!

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. I will post before Christmas a fun and witty little banter!!

Oh by the way - the Lifestyle-Ds.com Community is doing fabulous. We have over a thousand members so we will be moving to a better platform. Starting January 1, 2009 we will be using our own Community Software Platform which will have much better forums, groups, chat and instant message capabilities and much more. Thank you for making our community a success and in the new year you will see a whole new Lifestyle-Ds.com Community! See you there!

MrsClaudia!!

Cuckolding. Oh the tangled webs we weave!!

I know my next post was suppose to be on Spirituality and Femdom, but this topic I am speaking on today I feel is very important. It has come to my attention over the past few weeks that some men do not understand how to express to their wives their Cuckold desires. First, I want to make it perfectly clear that "cuckolding" was never something my slave asked me for. I took the knowledge I had of his other fetishes and then took MY OWN feelings on the subject and decided that this might be right for us. In order for a person to get past the fantasy portion of cuckolding and really get to it's purpose, you have to strip away all the fantasy that goes along with it. This part of Femdom is not very prevalent. I think I read where it only appealed to 5% of the whole Femdom population. I think I can understand why.

If you are a man and are going to your Wife with these thoughts of being a Cuckold, you have to understand how she will probably feel. I only give my opinion on how I would feel if my husband had come to me and expressed his desire to be a cuckold. First, I would have been hurt. I think any man that wants his Wife to be with another man in lacking in love for his Wife. I know I was a little upset when I first mentioned cuckolding to my husband and he did not react in jealousy. He was thinking about the fantasy, not the reality. It took me a while to make him understand that by him not being jealous, that I would want to be with other people, gave me the message he didn't love me. For why would someone who loves another person with all their hearts, not mind if that person was with another. I know I didn't like thinking about my husband with other women, so why would he not be upset that I was talking of being with other men (and women). Once I talked to him about my feelings and thoughts, he assured me that he didn't want me to go be with other people, it was the mental aspect of being so submissive to me that he would not leave me if I was to be with other people. Now that was something I could understand.

For me Cuckolding has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but the Domme and sub. The third person is strictly a tool, just like a chastity belt or rope is a tool. It is an object the Domme uses to help the submissive become more submissive to her. Not that I do not take into consideration the feelings of the third person, I do. I just make it clear to them that the main purpose of their being with me is to assist in making my sub more submissive. I will not be falling in love with then and leaving my husband for them. They will not become a slave to me. They are strictly a fun toy I will be playing with and putting back when I am done with it.

So, when I hear of men going to their wives and asking to be cuckolded or trying to get their wives to cuckold them by being bad lovers or whatnot, it will not work. It has to be the woman's idea to cuckold her slave and only for the purpose to make the bond between Femdom and slave stronger that I feel cuckolding would truly work. I am sure I will get comments of people telling me this is not so. Let me make this clear, this is how I feel about Cuckolding and Femdom. It is not law and I am not God. If you feel differently than great. But if you are a man trying to convince your Wife to cuckold you, you had better think long and hard about it. Make sure you have her understand that it is not that you do not love her, you do!! Think long and hard about if you are really ready to see the woman you love with another. The fantasy is wonderful. Thinking about it is fabulous. Actually doing it in real life is quite another. You had better be prepared for your Wife to either get upset or to possibly find someone else she would rather be with other than you. If you are forcing or trying to coerce a non-Femdom into cuckolding you are weaving down a slippery slope!

If you are really into Cuckold porn, realize that your Wife is not in the videos you are watching. It might turn you on to watch a bunch of performers act out cuckolding. It is much different in real life. Just please, be prepared and think long and hard about what you are asking for.

Things a male sub can do to jump start a D/s relationship!

In my previous post "What happens when life gets in the way?" I posted some great suggestions for the Female Dominant to do in a relationship when it has lost track or fizzled. Now, I want to share my thoughts of what the male submissive in a relationship can do to help their Femdom counterpart get back on track. Since a D/s relationship is based on a agreed upon Power Exchange, it is very important for the male sub to realize that his actions, or lack thereof, have a direct effect on how his Femdom acts or reacts. I know in the romance and fictional stories, it is always the Female that seems to come in, regardless of the males feelings or desires, and forces him to surrender his will and to submit. While that is great for fantasy time and fun, it is far from the reality that encompasses a 24/7 D/s relationship.

With the daily pressures a woman faces in this day and age, it can be very easy to succumb to life's worries and headaches. With all the external pressures a woman faces, is it any wonder why most women do not find this style of relationship appealing? Why, who in their right minds would want to add pressure and responsibility? No-one my dear!! That is why it is your first responsibility to make sure you are doing everything in your power to make your significant others life easier. Whether that is clearing the table after dinner, or doing the laundry one night. If your Wife (or girlfriend or significant other or whatever) is busy all day at the office (or at home with three kids) and then comes home and has to cook dinner, clean the dishes, do laundry, get the kids baths ready, do homework, etc and then you don't understand why she has no interest in D/s, well I wonder why? You like the idea of being a slave to lessen the responsibilities and worries of daily life, yet you do not think your better half has those same wants and needs? You foolish man you!!!!!!!

OK, let's get down to brass tactics! If you have already taken on more responsibility at home and have an established D/s relationship - GREAT! You can still learn how to do it better so continue reading. If you have taken on extra responsibilities around the house and have slacked off then this is for you! I know everyone runs into burnout, God knows I am right there with you! I am sharing a few things that my husband either does or has done in the past that has made my life easier or has made me feel better. That's right, your responsibility is to make your Wife FEEL BETTER too!!

OK, here goes.......................

1. Plan a date night. Get a sitter, make reservations and tell your Wife to be ready for a night out on the town. Tell her to go buy a new dress and some nice lingerie to wear. I do not care how big or small a woman is, nice lingerie always makes you feel better (and sexy too!) Call the restaurant ahead of time and have something special for your Wife. Maybe flowers, or her favorite wine. Then either have tickets for a comedy show or tickets to a movie. (or tickets to whatever - just get her out of the house for a nice evening!)

2. Draw her a bath with candles and wine and LEAVE HER ALONE FOR A WHILE. Do not sit on your knees waiting to be dismissed unless this is something that is a regular routine for the two of you. This will only piss her off, especially if she is in D/s burnout!

3. Make a book of coupons for things your Wife really needs. Not "I will make you orgasm 50 times before I am allowed to orgasm". This is also not the time or place for this. Include some coupons in there giving her the afternoon off to go shopping while you watch the kids. Then make sure you have enough money in the bank account to pay for that shopping trip!

4. Get the kids ready for bed one night, baths and all. Then come into your bedroom and tell your Wife to give you 5 minutes, you have a surprise for her. Set up massage lotion or oil and light some candles in the room. Spray some nice perfume on the sheets or covers so it will smell good when she lies down. Then tell her to come into the room, and wait for her on your knees. Tell her it is her night to be pampered and adored and you expect nothing in return. (and don't expect anything in return!) Give her a wonderful massage and then (if you are not in chastity), make sweet love to her without you cumming. If she gives you permission, great, if not - no cumming for you my dear!

5. Go grocery shopping for her. I hate grocery shopping almost as much as I hate cooking. Make sure you do not forget anything special that she eats or drinks. Ask if you are unsure!

6. Get her car detailed for her. Better yet, detail it yourself - inside and out. When you are done, leave her a love note on her seat telling her how wonderful and beautiful she is and you are the luckiest man in the world!

7. Get on your hands and knees and sit in front of her. Tell her how much you love and adore HER, not the Dominant woman you love so much. During times of burnout, it is easy for a woman to think that you love only her fierce side and not her sensitive side. A woman who feels that you only love her because she can be kinky in the bedroom is a sure fire way of losing that wonderful woman. More on that later though!!

8. I think I have said this one before but it is worth repeating: Watch a girly movie with her and by God do not BITCH about it. How many idiot man movies has she watched because she loves you? HUH?????

(note: if you will notice I have waited until the last two to bring up anything about Mistress and slave or overtly D/s actions. This is because when most women are in D/s burnout the last thing they want to do is to feel like you are pushing them to be more Dominant. Please do not do that - it is sure fire recipe for disaster!!! With that said - onto 9 and 10!)

9. Make a second coupon book with nice, fun kinky things you know your Wife likes. Not what you like, per se, but what she likes! If she adores Tease and Denial, then make a coupon giving her full control of your nether region for a week. If she likes bondage, give her a coupon and maybe a few cool pictures of stuff she might like to try. If she likes spanking, a coupon for 30 good whacks will do just fine (a new crop or paddle might be nice too!) Make it fun and make sure you have a place for those kidlets to go. A coupon book isn't as much fun when the kids are home. It will get a little dusty!!

10. Write down all the things you use to do for your Wife before the daily grind got in the way. Give it to her and ask her to mark which things she liked you to do most. Then start doing those things immediately. Nothing works better to jump start a stagnant Dominant than a submissive doing his duty. In order for the D/s dynamic to work, she will automatically become more Dominant again. Trust me!!!

Well, that is my advice to all you men out there. In my opinion, nothing beats a good, healthy D/s relationship. But like all things, sometimes life gets in the way and it is very difficult to maintain it. If you are sitting there waiting for your already stressed out Wife to force you back into submission you have another thing coming. You will be waiting a long time. The best thing you can do is to help her get back to what you both find so wonderful. It has to begin somewhere and by being the sub and man in the relationship, there is no place better to start than with you. Good luck!!!!!

My next post will be on a very important topic that might cause a little controversy. Over the past few years, I have been contacted by several woman (and men) that have a problem reconciling this type of relationship with their belief in "God". While I will not divulge what my particular religion is, I am a very spiritual person who believes in God and all He represents. I feel that my relationship, now that it is honest, open, loving, caring, monogamous, cherished and absolutely wonderful, is EXACTLY what my God wants for me. In my relationship I honor, adore, respect and love my husband. As he does with me. We bring each other up, in moral and emotions, which is more than I can say for most people married now a days. I will not make it about anything other than realizing that a D/s relationship, at it's core, has NOTHING TO DO WITH KINKY ACTS. It has to do with all the other things I just explained that my husband and I now have. Traits I wish everyone every married couple had.

This is my wish for every married couple out there. Whether or not they embrace Femdom is irrelevant. I wish you love, adoration and respect. What every man and woman deserve - to be happy!!!!

Kisses,

MrsClaudia

What happens when life get's in the way?

Day after day, hour after hour, life goes on as normal. It is sweet, better than anything you have ever imagined. Little things happen every once in a while, but they are minuet in the grand scheme of things. You have wonderful friends; friends who understand all about you. They know every little nuance and secret, and they welcome you and love you unconditionally. Your marriage has finally come to a place where you are happy, truly happy. The years of power struggles, lies and betrayal have ended. Personally, you are stronger than ever. You have come into your own and you are 100% confident in who you are and what you have to offer this world. Life is good!!!

I am sure you are sitting here thinking, "What the hell does this have to do with lifestyle Femdom?", it has a lot to do with it. For some reason there are so many misconceptions on what 24/7 lifestyle Femdom is all about. People seem to think it is void of all problems and that life flows perfectly. I am constantly asked if I am ever normal, or if I am "in control" all of the time. I am also asked if my husband has an opinion on anything in our lives, or if he just bows down to everything I say and never has a say so. I have said before, many times, that this is far from the truth. While I have the final say in everything and I at all times can pull rank, life is still life. There are financial problems, family problems, career problems and marital problems.

As an example, my husband and I totally disagree on the way our children should be disciplined. He feels very strongly one way and I feel very strongly another way. This is one area we have problems in. It is easy to say that as my slave, he should go with my way, but that is easier said than done. There are also career and financial problems that add heavy stress. When our lives are turning upside down, and everyone is stressed and worried, it really disrupts the Femdom rhythm. When problems come, one after the other, a lifestyle D/s relationship is hard to keep on track. So, this brings me to my topic of this post.

How do you get your D/s lifestyle back on track when it has been disrupted for a sustained period of time. I am talking about when your marriage barely resembles Femdom anymore and you feel like you have to start from scratch. Well, there is your first task: Start from scratch. Go back to the basics. Over the past 6 months our lives have slowly succumbed to serious life stresses. There was a while there where I didn't even get a chance to see my slave, much less have him serve me. His life became so overwhelmed that I had to put our D/s relationship somewhat on hold. Not because I wanted to, but because life circumstances forced us to. I am sure there are others out there that have had or are having this same problem.

Here are a few steps I am taking that can be used to jump start your D/s relationship!

THE TASKS BELOW ARE FOR THE DOMME. ANY CHANGE MUST FIRST START WITH THE DOMME!!

1. First, I am taking a few weeks off work to refocus on my passion. I know most people do not have that luxury and I am grateful I can do that. If I was working full time, I would schedule time each day to do what I am suggesting. I am going to start reading and interacting with my online lifestyle community again, via message boards and blogs. I am going to look around for any new lifestyle communities or websites that have started in the past few months and read everything I can get my hands on that deals with lifestyle femdom.

2. I am going to read MsRika's book and re-read Elise Sutton and any other good lifestyle Femdom books in my library.

3. I am going to register for any upcoming seminars or workshops in my local area. If there were none in my local area, I would look online for any instructional DVDs to start practicing to or any online Femdom classes starting. I am not sure if there are any out there, but if I come across any I will post them on the blog. I am also going to be starting online classes and workshops through my lifestyle community when I officially launch it here soon. I will keep you posted.

4. I am going to make a commitment to attend at least one munch a month and one play party a month.

5. I am going to make a commitment to interact with other Femdoms on a regular basis either in person or online in weekly chat meetings.

6. I am going to have my slave start doing one new thing per week that he was previously doing, that has been slacked off on lately.

7. I am going to start journaling daily what things I am concerned with or any issues I need help with. Just as an example, I am having a hard time being consistent right now. I need to work on that.

8. I am going to actively seek out fictional stories or femdom videos to help jump start my imagination again.

9. I am going to call my mentor at least once per week and go over things I am needing help with.

10. I am going to make a list of everything I want my slave to start doing again, and make a schedule of when he will start doing those tasks again.

Bottom line is life gets in the way. Shit happens and the D/s dynamic gets weaker or even burns out for a while. Everything takes work and a D/s relationship is no exception. Just remember to start small and work your way up. Find some communities that you can share with or a class or online workshop to jump start your mind working again.

My next post will be on what tasks you need to give your sub or slave to get them back on track when life has gotten in the way. Regardless of what has happened, you can get back to where you were or get on track in the first place. This advice is good for brand new Femdom's or for Femdom's wanting to revitalize their floundering relationship. Hopefully I will see you around the boards and around some online classes.

She finally did it - MsRika wrote a book!!

It is finally here. MsRika, a lifestyle Female Dominant, who is one of the wisest women I have ever known, has released a book. I have mentioned her website several times as an invaluable resource to the new Femdom, but a book will surely be a resource every Femdom will want in her library.

This does not only go for the women in this lifestyle, but for the men too. Her special insight into the submissive males mind is extraordinary. I hope this book is read by every person, male or female, that wants to learn more about the D/s lifestyle. I have already ordered my copy and I will post again once I have read it. I am very excited!!

Just a side note here - I am in no way affiliated or profiting from MsRika's book. She is simply a woman I admire greatly and I firmly believe she has much to offer Femdom lifestyle couples. When I was rediscovering the 24/7 D/s lifestyle, her website and advice was what I found. By far, her vast experience and real life application of the principles of a Femdom lifestyle, are what a novice Female Dominant should learn.

So, with that said, here is the link to purchase her book. http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=1923165 It is available through lulu.com. I do hope you read her book and join her message board (http://msrika.com/phpBB2/). She replies personally to most messages, and always replies to direct messages posted to her. I will be taking a break from my counseling services and website, so I will be spending most of my time reading my favorite blogs and interacting on my favorite message boards. I hope to chat with my long lost friends in the next few weeks!! I have some posts that I have been meaning to write but haven't had the time. I am glad to be back to the basics!!!!

Kisses,
MrsClaudia

What exactly is the role of the Dominant? Part 2!

First let me say I LOVE this picture. What a great way to start a cuckolding scene!! This picture has nothing to do with my post today, except to share with you all a little fun treat for a Friday afternoon!! Now onto my post!!

In my previous post I touched on the role of the Relational Dominant, one who is in a full time relationship with her sub or slave. I could go into greater detail but I want to stay to the point of today's post. Another role a Dominant can play is the role of Teacher or Mentor. When I first began researching lifestyle D/s there were only a handful of sites that offered advice to mainly the budding Femdom. Most of the sites out there either catered to the male subs fantasies (ie:porn sites) or were Male Dom / fem sub in nature. While you can learn Dominant attributes from a male Dom, I was really looking for information on Female Dominant / male sub. I found invaluable sites like MsRika.com, Elise Sutton and FemSupreme.com.

Then I found message boards like FemmeDomme.com and various Yahoo Groups. What I lacked was being able to work one on one with an experienced Femdom either online or in person where I lived. I did a post a while ago suggesting that women contact Pro Dommes for lessons which is still a great idea. Depending on where you live though, they can be very expensive and they can also not be lifestyle Femdoms.

I really wanted to learn the relational aspects of Female Domination and integrating it into my marriage. How to figure out what I liked and what I didn't, how to not learn from my husband and how to go about changing my life. A trip to a Pro Domme for an hour would not teach me that. So I muddled through Internet land, read tons of books and basically figured things out myself. Through trial and error I eventually got what I had been wanting. That process could have gone alot smoother if I would have been able to find a mentor and marriage counselor that I could have worked with. I guess kind of like a life coach.

I did find a local person where I live that I consider my mentor and now my best friend. She counseled me and helped me through the hard times and I thank God everyday that her and I clicked like we did. She is a very busy woman and I would like to spend more time with her but I cant, so I take what I can get.

So let me get to the meat of this post. Over the past 6 months or so I have had many, many men and women contact me and ask if I would work with them, either as a couple or individually and act as a mentor or counseling and training coach. In the beginning, I only had a few so I could still handle it. It has gotten to a point now where I am at a crossroads in my life. I have been in a situation where I need to go back to work. I am an accountant and I can make descent money doing that, but my passion lies in helping other couples and individuals transform their lives. I do not have enough time in the day to do both so I have decided to give Counseling and Mentoring a shot. With that said, I have started (really transformed) my website into a couples and counseling site. I have created an area called "Slave Academy" where I will offer Seminars and Workshops, as well as links to my Mentoring and Training Programs.

I guess I am officially now a Fetish Counselor and Life Coach. I do not have anything to offer other than life experience. I am not a licensed therapist but I have changed my entire life and my self esteem is wonderful now. My marriage is better than ever and I feel like I can help other people do the same. I am so excited at the prospects of teaching other women and men how to make their marriage and relationships better!!

Originally I had no idea how much my opinions and experience mattered to people but I have quickly found out how much it does. I now am offering Mentoring and training programs to couples and individuals interested in transforming their lives into D/s based lives. I will be soon offering Seminars and Workshops in Las Vegas to couples and individuals who wish to learn everything from how to spice up their lovemaking to how to transform their entire relationship into a Female Dominant relationship. I really want to save those women out there from learning from their husbands and I want to teach men out there how to approach their wives about their desires the right way.

The Femdomme Society did an interview with me and I will be featured on their site here soon. I am also going to be working with local establishments on holding my retreat and classes hopefully once per month here in Vegas. I am so excited I could scream. So what is the point of this post. Well it is two fold.

First is to get the word out that I am offering to women and couples my assistance and training on how to transform their marriage. I am also trying to get the word out on my upcoming seminars, retreats and workshops in Vegas for people that come here to visit. If you want to look at this post as a advertisement for myself than you would be correct. I really wish I would have come across someone like me, that I could have had work with me in the beginning. To teach me technique, advice on changing and all around person who was experienced in this lifestyle to help me. I feel it is an needed service and I feel I am qualified to offer it.

So that is it. I have my regular website going that is kind of a catch all. It is a regular site that let's people come in an see my interactions and play with my husband, but it also explains more about my training and mentoring programs. I am including a little clip I have done explaining what I offer and how you can learn more. Let me remind everyone that this is my blog and if you think that this post is inappropriate for this venue then to bad. If this was a blog representing anything else then you could say that but it is not. This is my blog about me and my life. I am now officially a Mentor and Fetish Counselor and what better place to include this about myself than MY blog!!

My next post will be on the Carrara Belt coming soon. It was shipped a few weeks ago and it should be delivered anytime now. I am very excited to finally get my subby into something he cant escape from. I just hope it is as good as they claim it is!! I will let you all know!!!

DISCLAIMER!! ALL MARRIED MALE SUBS PLEASE READ!!

I have been thinking about this for the past few days and I feel I need to let all those married men out there know the reality of telling your Wife about your submissive desires. First, I want to make something very clear. I decided I wanted to live a D/s relationship BEFORE I found out my husband was living a secret life. Yes, I did find out that my husband had been sneaking onto my computer in the middle of the night, but I had no idea what he was doing. You also need to know the devastation I went through finding out everything my husband had done. My blog represents where I am at today but I can't even begin to describe the devastation and hurt I went through finding out, one by one, everything my husband had done. I also want to tell you that my reaction and choosing to transform my marriage into a FemDom marriage is not necessarily what will happen with you.

I want to make something perfectly clear! I have little to no respect for married men that lead secret lives on the Internet and go off and visit Pro Dommes. While I am working through forgiving my husband for what he has done, it is the rarity that I am doing this. If I could go back in time and erase my memory so I wouldn't have known about all this, I would. Each time I find out something new my husband has done behind my back my heart breaks all over again. Our history is unique to us and I have chosen to stay with him.

I do not want to convey the message that if you go to your Wife and confess all that is OK. All that is going to do is hurt your Wife. It will cause her to compare herself to others she should not be comparing herself too. I know, I did it. I compared myself everyday to the Pro Domme my husband was so enamoured with. I don't anymore because I realize that there is no comparison. She was offering fantasy fulfillment for an exchange of money. I do not blame her at all. She is not the one that betrayed my trust and broke my marriage vows, my husband did. But knowing and accepting that does not make the pain any less.

So please, do not go and confess all your Internet and real life escapades thinking your Wife will forgive you and give a FemDom marriage a shot. You are taking a chance of her rejecting you and leaving you flat. You also need to stop being so selfish and start thinking about how your actions will affect the people in your life if they find out. You will crush her and leave her feeling inadequate, unloved, betrayed and devastated. I am all for you trying to communicate with your Wife your submissive desires but I am not for any pain or anguish it would cause a woman to learn her husband has been cheating on her. TO WOMEN INTERNET ESCAPADES AND VISITS WITH PRO DOMMES IS CHEATING. I know 90% of men think it isn't cheating but let me tell you to a woman it is. It really doesn't matter if you think it is not cheating, all that matters is if she will.

There is my disclaimer on thinking you will be able to go confess everything to your Wives, thinking she will end up like me. Please do not go do that. Follow my other advice and devote yourself to her completely. Stop all the Internet BS and the visits to the Pro Dommes and devote 100% of yourself to your Wife. If it doesn't work out then you can go back to your secret life. PLEASE!!!

How to approach your wife about D/s.

First things first! I want to make it very clear that the way I am suggesting a male submissive introduce his wife to FemDom is strictly my opinion. I have very limited experience and all I can share is the contrast between when I was first introduced to this lifestyle by my husband and this last time. While this last time I initiated the D/s relationship, I was still originally introduced to it by my husband. I would have had no idea what Female Domination was if he hadn't come to me 10 years ago and expressed his desires. With that said - onto my post.

Originally my husband came to me and shared that he liked to be tied up. He approached me subtly in the context of doing something new and fresh in the bedroom. I had seen Basic Instinct and thought it was really hot when Sharon Stone had tied up Michael Douglas with silk scarves. I was game and decided to indulge my husband. After I tied him to the bed with some neck ties I thought it was fun. He seemed to enjoy it very much and I had never seen him so excited. We continued to play for a while, advancing to rope. I would say my husband was a fantasy driven submissive, possibly even a fetishist. Although he doesn't have a particular fetish (other than possibly a foot fetish) he was totally obsessed with bondage and humiliation.

Since I really didn't know any better the entire experience was about him and pleasing him. He focused on his wants and needs and never considered the adoration and worship of me. He assumed I enjoyed this as much as he did and was shocked when I expressed my desire to stop playing. Our regular sex life had been replaced with BDSM and our entire lives were revolving around it. It was very easy for my husband to get caught up in the sexual aspect of D/s, very easy. While we weren't playing, he would be on the internet looking at bondage and BDSM sites. He would regularly bug me to play and "tie him up". When regular life was taking place he was lazy and self centered. Instead of telling me how wonderful I was, he would tell me what he wanted me to do. If I wasn't being mean enough, he would ask me to be meaner. If I wasn't talking enough, he would ask me to talk more to him. I was left feeling that being a Domme was more of a chore than anything. Instead of him letting the process evolve naturally, he tried to force it.

He wanted the fantasy in his mind to become a reality, but what he failed to realize is reality doesn't hold a candle to fantasy. In our fantasies there are no kids, no work, no financial responsibilities. Most women, whether FemDom or not, do not want a inanimate object to order around 24/7 and use for only sex. I am sure there are a few but most want a life partner that they can share their triumphs and tribulations with. It is purely fantasy, where a FemDom has a sub sit in the corner, waiting for her next command, always bitchy and controlling. For me there are days where the last thing I want to do is give a command. Usually on those days I want to be cuddled and told over and over how wonderful and beautiful I am. How I am my husbands whole world and he couldn't imagine living without me. What really puts the icing on the cake is if he tells me I am the perfect woman, and he wouldn't change a thing about me. I am human; I cry, laugh, get angry, get sick, and get PMS. I am the whole package, not a male created FemDom written about for other subs to read and jack off to.

So, how would I recommend a male submissive introduce their wives to D/s: take it slow, very slow. The last thing you want to do is go to your wife and tell her all your deep dark submissive secrets. Trust me when I tell you she will completely freak out if you go to her and tell her you wish to be tied up like a mummy and forced to be fucked in the ass with a huge strap on. Down the road you might be able to tell her that but definitely not right away.

Begin with serving her. If you don't already help with the household chores (whether she works or is a stay at home mom), start helping. Don't ask what you can do to help her, just do it. If she regularly cooks, cook one night and let her relax and read a book. When dinner is over, clear the table and do the dishes. Maybe get a nice bath ready for her, with the works: Candles, wine, oils, soft music. If you can, sit beside the tub and rub her back and wash her. Talk about her day and how things are going in her life. Spontaneously kiss her hand while you are driving somewhere and tell her she is the most beautiful woman in the world and that you are lucky she chose you to share her life with. During your next romp in the sack, focus on her pleasure only. Go so far as to not orgasm at all. When she goes to reciprocate by pleasuring you, tell her this night was about her and only her. Sit on the floor beside her and rub her feet, especially if she works and wears high heals all day. If you have children and she normally gets them ready for bed, you get them ready, while allowing her to relax and watch TV. Make her feel like a Queen!

Eventually she will ask you what is up. Now this is the crucial time - DO NOT SPRING ON HER YOUR KINKY DESIRES! This will just convey to her that the only reason you are doing all these nice things is to get something from her. This will be the fastest way to turn her off. A woman wants nothing more than to be adored and loved. If she thinks that you are only doing these nice things to get what you want, she will feel resentment and look at you as totally selfish and self-centered. You want to ignite her Dominance with your subtle submission.

You will start to notice a change in her. She will start to feel love and adoration for you in return. She will then come to you and initiate a conversation, possibly about wanting to do something to please you. This is OK. Men and women want to please each other and there is nothing wrong with your potential Domme wife wanting to do that. This is the time to gently share with her a little bit of your desires. Start with something non-threatening to her. Bondage is a great starter. Our society has embraced using silk scarves or neck ties to tie your lover's hands to the bedpost and ravish them. She will probably not be threatened about this in the least.

Another thing you could try is surprising her with a date night. Get a sitter (if you have kids) and take her to a nice restaurant. Set up some champagne at home, with candles in your bedroom. Make one of the candles her favorite scented candle (look around the house and you will see her favorite). Have clean sheets on the bed with maybe some rose petals thrown on the bed and floor. Make sure they are red roses. Get a romantic sex game and have it set up on the bed. There are some great romantic sex games out there. If you don't have a vibrator, get one. The rabbit or something similar is perfect. When you start playing the game there will be "Share a fantasy card" that you will get. Stack the deck if you have too. Then when you get that fantasy card, share with her a simple fantasy of being tied up and teased. That is just an example of a simple, non-threatening BDSM fantasy that shouldn't freak her out.

Well, those are some simple pointers to start with. Just remember that in today's society, women have so much on their plates. They work full time or stay at home raising kids all day. They have so much responsibility the last thing they want is to be responsible for you. If your wife gets the impression that this is just another thing she has to do, she will hate it. A male submissive is there to enhance his Dommes life, not hinder it. She has to see the positives in it for her, not what she has to do to keep you happy.

True male submission is adoring, loving and worshiping your Wife. You will find fulfilment and satisfaction in serving her. The bondage and spanking and humiliation is fun, but the bottom line is the adoration you have for your Domme. Just ask my husband, he would rather kiss and lick my body from head to toe, making me orgasm over and over, than being tied up and teased. Before, he only wanted the later, but now he lives to worship and serve me. He is just lucky that I like to tie him up and tease the shit out of him. But that is a whole other post.