Long Time - No Posts!!

Hello World. I know it has been a very long time since I have posted but as strange as it might sound I have had nothing to say. Oh I could have made up some bullshit to keep things alive but I really wanted to keep this blog in a place where it could remain informative and somewhat educational. I have been thinking for sometime now what do I really have to say. Well, when I think back to the beginning of my transformation to a Femdom Marriage I still have alot to say. Sometimes I don't realize that it doesn't have to be an awe inspiring post to be good and informative. There are many couples out there that don't have a clue how to go about changing their lives. Please do not get me wrong, all relationships take hard work. I am starting to realize more than ever that a Femdom relationship takes alot to keep growing and moving forward. It is the responsibility of both parties to keep things going. Sometimes that is easier said than done.

I hope to get back to this blog. Even if it is just a few words here and there! I have missed you all very much. There are just so many hours in the day and unfortunately time is something I have only so much of!

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. I will post before Christmas a fun and witty little banter!!

Oh by the way - the Lifestyle-Ds.com Community is doing fabulous. We have over a thousand members so we will be moving to a better platform. Starting January 1, 2009 we will be using our own Community Software Platform which will have much better forums, groups, chat and instant message capabilities and much more. Thank you for making our community a success and in the new year you will see a whole new Lifestyle-Ds.com Community! See you there!

MrsClaudia!!

Imagine if this was you! (I have and it would not be funny!!)

I was forwarded this article today. I am not sure if it is real, but I can tell you I have had more than one occasion where I thought "What would happen if I lost the key or if our last key broke"(yes, one of our two keys has broken so I am down to ONE key for my Carrara Belt). Enjoy and I hope you are as amused as I was!!!

Man cut free from 'S&M' chastity belt by firemen
Exclusive By Cara Lee

Firefighters had to cut a man out of a titanium chastity belt intended for sex games last week.
Crews from Kingston fire station were called to the red-faced man's home in Ham at about 11pm on June 27 after he had spent all day trying to free himself from the device.
It took about 45 minutes for firefighters to release the man, believed to be in his 40s, from the structure. By this time he had slipped in and out of consciousness due to the pressure of the chastity belt on his genitals.


Crew manager Brennan Healey, from the fire station, said the man, of average build, had put the two-piece device on in the morning but then realised he did not have a key to open it.
His girlfriend was out of the house when he put it on but returned to find him trapped in the belt and realised she did not have the key either.
"He was very embarrassed about the situation. He was very apologetic and seemed to be wishing he wasn't there," said Mr Healey. "He seemed like a nice guy who found himself in a predicament he didn't want to be in.
"He had put a dressing gown over him but apart from that he only had the chastity belt on.
"He'd spent all day trying to get it off and was at his last tether."
Three machines were needed to cut through the titanium.
"The man had lots of swelling in his genital area," said Mr Healey. "It took a long time to release him because he was in a lot of pain, and we needed to give him oxygen.
"Firefighter Simon Mitchell did a great job and was especially hands on'. When he was released we called the London Ambulance Service who took him to hospital, but he seemed much better by then.
"His girlfriend initially seemed to find it funny but became more concerned as his condition got worse.
"I think the man wanted to use it as part of an S&M sex game with his girlfriend.
"I presumed he and his girlfriend used that sort of thing a lot - they didn't seem phased by it.
"From the inside of their house you wouldn't know they were into that sort of thing - they didn't have any shackles or anything! But then again, I didn't see their bedroom.
"He didn't want to be in that situation. That sort of thing is all right behind closed doors but when it's out in the open it's a different matter.
"He was very grateful and relieved by the time we left.
"It wasn't the usual type of job we get called to!"

This story was taken directly from "Your Local Guardian" website. You can learn more by visiting this link: http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/news/topstories/display.var.2381033.0.man_cut_free_from_sm_chastity_belt_by_firemen.php#comments

Things a male sub can do to jump start a D/s relationship!

In my previous post "What happens when life gets in the way?" I posted some great suggestions for the Female Dominant to do in a relationship when it has lost track or fizzled. Now, I want to share my thoughts of what the male submissive in a relationship can do to help their Femdom counterpart get back on track. Since a D/s relationship is based on a agreed upon Power Exchange, it is very important for the male sub to realize that his actions, or lack thereof, have a direct effect on how his Femdom acts or reacts. I know in the romance and fictional stories, it is always the Female that seems to come in, regardless of the males feelings or desires, and forces him to surrender his will and to submit. While that is great for fantasy time and fun, it is far from the reality that encompasses a 24/7 D/s relationship.

With the daily pressures a woman faces in this day and age, it can be very easy to succumb to life's worries and headaches. With all the external pressures a woman faces, is it any wonder why most women do not find this style of relationship appealing? Why, who in their right minds would want to add pressure and responsibility? No-one my dear!! That is why it is your first responsibility to make sure you are doing everything in your power to make your significant others life easier. Whether that is clearing the table after dinner, or doing the laundry one night. If your Wife (or girlfriend or significant other or whatever) is busy all day at the office (or at home with three kids) and then comes home and has to cook dinner, clean the dishes, do laundry, get the kids baths ready, do homework, etc and then you don't understand why she has no interest in D/s, well I wonder why? You like the idea of being a slave to lessen the responsibilities and worries of daily life, yet you do not think your better half has those same wants and needs? You foolish man you!!!!!!!

OK, let's get down to brass tactics! If you have already taken on more responsibility at home and have an established D/s relationship - GREAT! You can still learn how to do it better so continue reading. If you have taken on extra responsibilities around the house and have slacked off then this is for you! I know everyone runs into burnout, God knows I am right there with you! I am sharing a few things that my husband either does or has done in the past that has made my life easier or has made me feel better. That's right, your responsibility is to make your Wife FEEL BETTER too!!

OK, here goes.......................

1. Plan a date night. Get a sitter, make reservations and tell your Wife to be ready for a night out on the town. Tell her to go buy a new dress and some nice lingerie to wear. I do not care how big or small a woman is, nice lingerie always makes you feel better (and sexy too!) Call the restaurant ahead of time and have something special for your Wife. Maybe flowers, or her favorite wine. Then either have tickets for a comedy show or tickets to a movie. (or tickets to whatever - just get her out of the house for a nice evening!)

2. Draw her a bath with candles and wine and LEAVE HER ALONE FOR A WHILE. Do not sit on your knees waiting to be dismissed unless this is something that is a regular routine for the two of you. This will only piss her off, especially if she is in D/s burnout!

3. Make a book of coupons for things your Wife really needs. Not "I will make you orgasm 50 times before I am allowed to orgasm". This is also not the time or place for this. Include some coupons in there giving her the afternoon off to go shopping while you watch the kids. Then make sure you have enough money in the bank account to pay for that shopping trip!

4. Get the kids ready for bed one night, baths and all. Then come into your bedroom and tell your Wife to give you 5 minutes, you have a surprise for her. Set up massage lotion or oil and light some candles in the room. Spray some nice perfume on the sheets or covers so it will smell good when she lies down. Then tell her to come into the room, and wait for her on your knees. Tell her it is her night to be pampered and adored and you expect nothing in return. (and don't expect anything in return!) Give her a wonderful massage and then (if you are not in chastity), make sweet love to her without you cumming. If she gives you permission, great, if not - no cumming for you my dear!

5. Go grocery shopping for her. I hate grocery shopping almost as much as I hate cooking. Make sure you do not forget anything special that she eats or drinks. Ask if you are unsure!

6. Get her car detailed for her. Better yet, detail it yourself - inside and out. When you are done, leave her a love note on her seat telling her how wonderful and beautiful she is and you are the luckiest man in the world!

7. Get on your hands and knees and sit in front of her. Tell her how much you love and adore HER, not the Dominant woman you love so much. During times of burnout, it is easy for a woman to think that you love only her fierce side and not her sensitive side. A woman who feels that you only love her because she can be kinky in the bedroom is a sure fire way of losing that wonderful woman. More on that later though!!

8. I think I have said this one before but it is worth repeating: Watch a girly movie with her and by God do not BITCH about it. How many idiot man movies has she watched because she loves you? HUH?????

(note: if you will notice I have waited until the last two to bring up anything about Mistress and slave or overtly D/s actions. This is because when most women are in D/s burnout the last thing they want to do is to feel like you are pushing them to be more Dominant. Please do not do that - it is sure fire recipe for disaster!!! With that said - onto 9 and 10!)

9. Make a second coupon book with nice, fun kinky things you know your Wife likes. Not what you like, per se, but what she likes! If she adores Tease and Denial, then make a coupon giving her full control of your nether region for a week. If she likes bondage, give her a coupon and maybe a few cool pictures of stuff she might like to try. If she likes spanking, a coupon for 30 good whacks will do just fine (a new crop or paddle might be nice too!) Make it fun and make sure you have a place for those kidlets to go. A coupon book isn't as much fun when the kids are home. It will get a little dusty!!

10. Write down all the things you use to do for your Wife before the daily grind got in the way. Give it to her and ask her to mark which things she liked you to do most. Then start doing those things immediately. Nothing works better to jump start a stagnant Dominant than a submissive doing his duty. In order for the D/s dynamic to work, she will automatically become more Dominant again. Trust me!!!

Well, that is my advice to all you men out there. In my opinion, nothing beats a good, healthy D/s relationship. But like all things, sometimes life gets in the way and it is very difficult to maintain it. If you are sitting there waiting for your already stressed out Wife to force you back into submission you have another thing coming. You will be waiting a long time. The best thing you can do is to help her get back to what you both find so wonderful. It has to begin somewhere and by being the sub and man in the relationship, there is no place better to start than with you. Good luck!!!!!

My next post will be on a very important topic that might cause a little controversy. Over the past few years, I have been contacted by several woman (and men) that have a problem reconciling this type of relationship with their belief in "God". While I will not divulge what my particular religion is, I am a very spiritual person who believes in God and all He represents. I feel that my relationship, now that it is honest, open, loving, caring, monogamous, cherished and absolutely wonderful, is EXACTLY what my God wants for me. In my relationship I honor, adore, respect and love my husband. As he does with me. We bring each other up, in moral and emotions, which is more than I can say for most people married now a days. I will not make it about anything other than realizing that a D/s relationship, at it's core, has NOTHING TO DO WITH KINKY ACTS. It has to do with all the other things I just explained that my husband and I now have. Traits I wish everyone every married couple had.

This is my wish for every married couple out there. Whether or not they embrace Femdom is irrelevant. I wish you love, adoration and respect. What every man and woman deserve - to be happy!!!!

Kisses,

MrsClaudia

What would you like to see in a Femdom Community?

I have been working on launching a Free Lifestyle Femdom Community that will focus on Femdom D/s relationships. The website will include Online Classes and Workshops, articles, Instructional and Educational Video, Chat Rooms, Message Board, Instant Messenger, User Contributions (gallery, video and user article submissions) and Current / Upcoming Events in the lifestyle. So my question is:

What other things would you like to see or options you would like to have in a Femdom Community?

I know there are many other wonderful BDSM communities out there, very good ones that I am a member of. So why am I starting another one? Well I want mine to be a little different. First and foremost, I want it to be solely Female Dominant / male submissive (although Male Dom / femsubs may join and contribute). I want it to be a portal where new people learning about this lifestyle can come and learn how to avoid pitfalls and be able to interact with other lifestyle people and learn. I know that BDSM support groups are sometimes riddled with politics and controversy and I will do all in my power to make sure that DOES NOT happen with this website. I want to keep the fantasy BS out of it and make it as true to life as it can be.

I would appreciate any comments or suggestions on what different areas you would like to see in a community like this. Whether it is particular classes, interactive systems, mentoring programs, local advertisements for groups around the country, etc. I want to make this the best lifestyle website I can, and your input would be greatly appreciated. I am not doing this for myself only, I am doing it for all the people out there that want a community they can learn and grow from.

Comments and suggestions can be submitted in two ways: You can either add comments directly to this post or you can email comments directly at my yahoo email: MrsClaudia2006@yahoo.com

I do hope to hear from you. Please keep all comments and suggestions directed at the community site. Any other comments or feedback not dealing directly with the lifestyle community will be redirected to the proper place in this blog!!

Thanks everyone,
MrsClaudia and her slave hubby!!

What happens when life get's in the way?

Day after day, hour after hour, life goes on as normal. It is sweet, better than anything you have ever imagined. Little things happen every once in a while, but they are minuet in the grand scheme of things. You have wonderful friends; friends who understand all about you. They know every little nuance and secret, and they welcome you and love you unconditionally. Your marriage has finally come to a place where you are happy, truly happy. The years of power struggles, lies and betrayal have ended. Personally, you are stronger than ever. You have come into your own and you are 100% confident in who you are and what you have to offer this world. Life is good!!!

I am sure you are sitting here thinking, "What the hell does this have to do with lifestyle Femdom?", it has a lot to do with it. For some reason there are so many misconceptions on what 24/7 lifestyle Femdom is all about. People seem to think it is void of all problems and that life flows perfectly. I am constantly asked if I am ever normal, or if I am "in control" all of the time. I am also asked if my husband has an opinion on anything in our lives, or if he just bows down to everything I say and never has a say so. I have said before, many times, that this is far from the truth. While I have the final say in everything and I at all times can pull rank, life is still life. There are financial problems, family problems, career problems and marital problems.

As an example, my husband and I totally disagree on the way our children should be disciplined. He feels very strongly one way and I feel very strongly another way. This is one area we have problems in. It is easy to say that as my slave, he should go with my way, but that is easier said than done. There are also career and financial problems that add heavy stress. When our lives are turning upside down, and everyone is stressed and worried, it really disrupts the Femdom rhythm. When problems come, one after the other, a lifestyle D/s relationship is hard to keep on track. So, this brings me to my topic of this post.

How do you get your D/s lifestyle back on track when it has been disrupted for a sustained period of time. I am talking about when your marriage barely resembles Femdom anymore and you feel like you have to start from scratch. Well, there is your first task: Start from scratch. Go back to the basics. Over the past 6 months our lives have slowly succumbed to serious life stresses. There was a while there where I didn't even get a chance to see my slave, much less have him serve me. His life became so overwhelmed that I had to put our D/s relationship somewhat on hold. Not because I wanted to, but because life circumstances forced us to. I am sure there are others out there that have had or are having this same problem.

Here are a few steps I am taking that can be used to jump start your D/s relationship!

THE TASKS BELOW ARE FOR THE DOMME. ANY CHANGE MUST FIRST START WITH THE DOMME!!

1. First, I am taking a few weeks off work to refocus on my passion. I know most people do not have that luxury and I am grateful I can do that. If I was working full time, I would schedule time each day to do what I am suggesting. I am going to start reading and interacting with my online lifestyle community again, via message boards and blogs. I am going to look around for any new lifestyle communities or websites that have started in the past few months and read everything I can get my hands on that deals with lifestyle femdom.

2. I am going to read MsRika's book and re-read Elise Sutton and any other good lifestyle Femdom books in my library.

3. I am going to register for any upcoming seminars or workshops in my local area. If there were none in my local area, I would look online for any instructional DVDs to start practicing to or any online Femdom classes starting. I am not sure if there are any out there, but if I come across any I will post them on the blog. I am also going to be starting online classes and workshops through my lifestyle community when I officially launch it here soon. I will keep you posted.

4. I am going to make a commitment to attend at least one munch a month and one play party a month.

5. I am going to make a commitment to interact with other Femdoms on a regular basis either in person or online in weekly chat meetings.

6. I am going to have my slave start doing one new thing per week that he was previously doing, that has been slacked off on lately.

7. I am going to start journaling daily what things I am concerned with or any issues I need help with. Just as an example, I am having a hard time being consistent right now. I need to work on that.

8. I am going to actively seek out fictional stories or femdom videos to help jump start my imagination again.

9. I am going to call my mentor at least once per week and go over things I am needing help with.

10. I am going to make a list of everything I want my slave to start doing again, and make a schedule of when he will start doing those tasks again.

Bottom line is life gets in the way. Shit happens and the D/s dynamic gets weaker or even burns out for a while. Everything takes work and a D/s relationship is no exception. Just remember to start small and work your way up. Find some communities that you can share with or a class or online workshop to jump start your mind working again.

My next post will be on what tasks you need to give your sub or slave to get them back on track when life has gotten in the way. Regardless of what has happened, you can get back to where you were or get on track in the first place. This advice is good for brand new Femdom's or for Femdom's wanting to revitalize their floundering relationship. Hopefully I will see you around the boards and around some online classes.

She finally did it - MsRika wrote a book!!

It is finally here. MsRika, a lifestyle Female Dominant, who is one of the wisest women I have ever known, has released a book. I have mentioned her website several times as an invaluable resource to the new Femdom, but a book will surely be a resource every Femdom will want in her library.

This does not only go for the women in this lifestyle, but for the men too. Her special insight into the submissive males mind is extraordinary. I hope this book is read by every person, male or female, that wants to learn more about the D/s lifestyle. I have already ordered my copy and I will post again once I have read it. I am very excited!!

Just a side note here - I am in no way affiliated or profiting from MsRika's book. She is simply a woman I admire greatly and I firmly believe she has much to offer Femdom lifestyle couples. When I was rediscovering the 24/7 D/s lifestyle, her website and advice was what I found. By far, her vast experience and real life application of the principles of a Femdom lifestyle, are what a novice Female Dominant should learn.

So, with that said, here is the link to purchase her book. http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=1923165 It is available through lulu.com. I do hope you read her book and join her message board (http://msrika.com/phpBB2/). She replies personally to most messages, and always replies to direct messages posted to her. I will be taking a break from my counseling services and website, so I will be spending most of my time reading my favorite blogs and interacting on my favorite message boards. I hope to chat with my long lost friends in the next few weeks!! I have some posts that I have been meaning to write but haven't had the time. I am glad to be back to the basics!!!!

Kisses,
MrsClaudia

The Carrara Belt is here - Finally!! (I am so excited)

Well it finally happened. The Carrara Belt arrived last week. I was like a kid in a candy shop. The box arrived and we immediately took it upstairs and ripped the box open. The contraption probably weighs 10#'s, which is a lot when you are going to wear it on your body. The waist part is lined in a soft, foam material. The actual front is solid metal and it fits like a glove.

When it was first put on my darling, we couldn't figure out how to keep it locked. It kept unlocking and finally I took it and "snap" the lock was secure! My hubby tried to wiggle out of it but there was no use. I made him wear it the first time for almost 3 hours. It rubbed around the waist and in the crotch, but he said it was surprisingly more comfortable then he had thought. It will definitely take a little getting use to, but it will work just fine. I am already teasing him that the time has come where he can say goodbye to his cock!!! At any moment I can decide that he will never touch or see his penis again, and I can make it happen! Talk about POWER!!!!

I am including some pictures of the device from different angles and with different attachments. I bought the attachable dildo and a locking metal plate for the ass. All the parts are in the pictures.

Front View of the Carrara Belt:

Side View of the Carrara Belt:

Inside the Carrara Belt:

Attachments I got:

The Dildo attached for sex while locked away!

I think you get the idea!! This is by far the most secure belt I have ever seen! It is not for everyone, but for those Chastity enthusiasts that want 100% security, this is the belt that can make it happen!!

I also had a comment by cb6kguy about the security of the CB3000 that is a great idea to fix the problem of men being able to pull out! Instructions on making the CB3000 secure so you can't pull out are in my comment section here. Since there is no way my darling can stay in this device 24/7 forever, I am going to utilize the security feature this person suggested for the CB3000. I have looked at it and it seems like it will work.

I will post how things are going and how well the belt is working. Obviously this belt isn't for everyone but for us, I think it is exactly what I have been looking for. It isn't for the faint of heart, but then again, nothing I seem to do is. Enjoy the pictures and post your comments. Come on guys, let me hear what you think. Good, Bad or indifferent!!!!

Is BDSM about sex or not???

What a good question! This particular question is probably one of the most debated questions among lifestyle people.

Some people say BDSM has nothing to do with sex, while others say it is all about sex. So what do I think? I personally believe it is a combination of both. Obviously BDSM is a form of foreplay and it can be very sexual. The root to all BDSM activity is what makes you hot! I think where some people get the notion that BDSM is not about sex because of the emotional feelings that are behind BDSM.

Just the other night I was teaching two of my budding Femdoms about Tease and Denial. Now obviously Tease and Denial is all about SEX! You are denying someone the right or ability to have an orgasm until you give them permission. Even though I was doing a Tease and Denial scene, the emotional connection between myself and Madam Tiffany was incredible. It went beyond sex, and it surely went beyond just lust. I can't even describe what it was like but I can tell you everyone in the room felt it and responded. Each one of the other people became either more submissive or more Dominant. It was truly amazing.

Once you leave the bedroom, do all BDSM activities cease? In some cases, YES! BDSM for some people are all about the sex and that is totally fine! They go about their daily lives as normal as can be. Then on Friday or Saturday night they ship off Timmy and Tammy and whip out the ridding crops, rope and canes!! Then when Timmy and Tammy come home, all returns to normal.

Then there are the people where BDSM doesn't stop when they walk out of the bedroom. For them, the power exchange that happened in the bedroom, extends to other areas of their lives. The two practice the sexual part of BDSM and they also practice the non-sexual elements of BDSM. For those people, most would call them 24/7 D/s couples. Even in times when there is no overtly sexual things happening between two people who practice BDSM daily, there is still that element of intimacy and sexuality. If a male sub is doing the laundry he might not have a hard on right there, but he is still doing it for the power exchange and kink that will happen once he is in the bedroom. I do not know of anyone who practices non-sexual BDSM, period!!!

See that is where the "BDSM isn't about sex" view is outside my realm of understanding. I am reading and learning about how BDSM is not about sex but I am not really sold on that theory yet!! I would love to hear from others who think that BDSM is not about sex so I can learn that viewpoint. For me, it is all about sex and it is all about emotions. They both go hand in hand and I just can not see how they don't.

Can't wait to hear from you all!!!!

What exactly is the role of the Dominant? Part 2!

First let me say I LOVE this picture. What a great way to start a cuckolding scene!! This picture has nothing to do with my post today, except to share with you all a little fun treat for a Friday afternoon!! Now onto my post!!

In my previous post I touched on the role of the Relational Dominant, one who is in a full time relationship with her sub or slave. I could go into greater detail but I want to stay to the point of today's post. Another role a Dominant can play is the role of Teacher or Mentor. When I first began researching lifestyle D/s there were only a handful of sites that offered advice to mainly the budding Femdom. Most of the sites out there either catered to the male subs fantasies (ie:porn sites) or were Male Dom / fem sub in nature. While you can learn Dominant attributes from a male Dom, I was really looking for information on Female Dominant / male sub. I found invaluable sites like MsRika.com, Elise Sutton and FemSupreme.com.

Then I found message boards like FemmeDomme.com and various Yahoo Groups. What I lacked was being able to work one on one with an experienced Femdom either online or in person where I lived. I did a post a while ago suggesting that women contact Pro Dommes for lessons which is still a great idea. Depending on where you live though, they can be very expensive and they can also not be lifestyle Femdoms.

I really wanted to learn the relational aspects of Female Domination and integrating it into my marriage. How to figure out what I liked and what I didn't, how to not learn from my husband and how to go about changing my life. A trip to a Pro Domme for an hour would not teach me that. So I muddled through Internet land, read tons of books and basically figured things out myself. Through trial and error I eventually got what I had been wanting. That process could have gone alot smoother if I would have been able to find a mentor and marriage counselor that I could have worked with. I guess kind of like a life coach.

I did find a local person where I live that I consider my mentor and now my best friend. She counseled me and helped me through the hard times and I thank God everyday that her and I clicked like we did. She is a very busy woman and I would like to spend more time with her but I cant, so I take what I can get.

So let me get to the meat of this post. Over the past 6 months or so I have had many, many men and women contact me and ask if I would work with them, either as a couple or individually and act as a mentor or counseling and training coach. In the beginning, I only had a few so I could still handle it. It has gotten to a point now where I am at a crossroads in my life. I have been in a situation where I need to go back to work. I am an accountant and I can make descent money doing that, but my passion lies in helping other couples and individuals transform their lives. I do not have enough time in the day to do both so I have decided to give Counseling and Mentoring a shot. With that said, I have started (really transformed) my website into a couples and counseling site. I have created an area called "Slave Academy" where I will offer Seminars and Workshops, as well as links to my Mentoring and Training Programs.

I guess I am officially now a Fetish Counselor and Life Coach. I do not have anything to offer other than life experience. I am not a licensed therapist but I have changed my entire life and my self esteem is wonderful now. My marriage is better than ever and I feel like I can help other people do the same. I am so excited at the prospects of teaching other women and men how to make their marriage and relationships better!!

Originally I had no idea how much my opinions and experience mattered to people but I have quickly found out how much it does. I now am offering Mentoring and training programs to couples and individuals interested in transforming their lives into D/s based lives. I will be soon offering Seminars and Workshops in Las Vegas to couples and individuals who wish to learn everything from how to spice up their lovemaking to how to transform their entire relationship into a Female Dominant relationship. I really want to save those women out there from learning from their husbands and I want to teach men out there how to approach their wives about their desires the right way.

The Femdomme Society did an interview with me and I will be featured on their site here soon. I am also going to be working with local establishments on holding my retreat and classes hopefully once per month here in Vegas. I am so excited I could scream. So what is the point of this post. Well it is two fold.

First is to get the word out that I am offering to women and couples my assistance and training on how to transform their marriage. I am also trying to get the word out on my upcoming seminars, retreats and workshops in Vegas for people that come here to visit. If you want to look at this post as a advertisement for myself than you would be correct. I really wish I would have come across someone like me, that I could have had work with me in the beginning. To teach me technique, advice on changing and all around person who was experienced in this lifestyle to help me. I feel it is an needed service and I feel I am qualified to offer it.

So that is it. I have my regular website going that is kind of a catch all. It is a regular site that let's people come in an see my interactions and play with my husband, but it also explains more about my training and mentoring programs. I am including a little clip I have done explaining what I offer and how you can learn more. Let me remind everyone that this is my blog and if you think that this post is inappropriate for this venue then to bad. If this was a blog representing anything else then you could say that but it is not. This is my blog about me and my life. I am now officially a Mentor and Fetish Counselor and what better place to include this about myself than MY blog!!

My next post will be on the Carrara Belt coming soon. It was shipped a few weeks ago and it should be delivered anytime now. I am very excited to finally get my subby into something he cant escape from. I just hope it is as good as they claim it is!! I will let you all know!!!

What exactly is the role of the Dominant?

First, I know it has been forever and a day since I have posted anything on this blog: I am not even sure if I have any readers left. Just in case I do, I thought I would share my views on what role the Dominant plays in the D/s relationship.

There are many roles the Dominant plays, ranging from a regular, casual play partner to a full fledged Mentoring and Training Dominant. There are also Dominants that are classified as training submissives, due to the fact that they are Dominants in Training. The role of that type of Dominant is to be submissive to her trainer or Mentor, yet still Dominant to anyone that the training submissive is topping. Wow, confusing huh??

To skip any undo confusion (I will save explanation of training subs and training dommes for my next post) I will stick to explaining what the role of a Dominant is in a relational or marriage based D/s relationship is.

First and foremost a Dominant is there to nurture, guide and protect her submissive or slave. Great responsibility lies at the feet of the Dominant and this is where it is far from fun and games. When a Dominant accepts the service and submission from her husband, fiance or boyfriend, it is very significant. The Dominant needs to realize that she is responsible for the safety and well being of her slave and he is trusting her to not do many things. The submissive is trusting her to not - 1. Take advantage of him. 2. Injure or hurt him (in a bad way) 3. Abandon him, ridicule him. 4. Emotionally, psychologically or physically abuse him or 5. Humiliate him (again in a bad way). It takes great amounts of trust and respect for a submissive to allow the Dominant to take control of his life.

This never happens instantaneously, nor smoothly. The Dominant needs to pay careful attention to her submissive's actions in these early days to see where he is testing her. He can do this in a variety of ways, which usually includes, - 1. Forgetting to do certain tasks. 2. Doing only certain tasks assigned. 3. Misbehaving (to see what she will do). 4. Topping from the bottom and 5. Doing activities he is not allowed to do to see if the Dominant is really all knowing.

Now this is not a textbook kind of thing. Not every sub will do the things on this list, but most will. They want to see if the Dominant is really who they are portraying themselves to be. They want to know, for themselves, if they can really trust that they are completely under the control of another. If life is going well for the Dominant, she will notice right away that her sub is doing these things and rectify it immediately. Well, what should the Dominant do if she is really busy and is not noticing these things or if she is not in the mood to deal with testing?

Simple, COMMUNICATE. Sit down with your subby and have a little heart to heart. Remind him that you are in control and the tasks and duties you have given them are in place to HELP YOU! Whenever you dish out tasks that are meant to make your life easier, it is the responsibility of the sub to do those tasks to the best of his ability! This is not the time to test the Dominant, but to be even more pleasing and helpful to her. Explain to your sub that you know he is testing you, and there is no need for it. Explain to him again (it usually helps if he is hogtied and gagged on the floor at your feet!!!! ha!ha!) that his purpose is to be obedient, honest and most of all pleasing to You.

Then assess if you are slacking in your attention and follow through with him. If you are, set aside a certain amount of time each week to devote to your slave. He is a prized possession and one you need to honor and respect. Little things can be done each day to reinforce the D/s dynamic. As an example, I am extremely busy getting my counseling and Femdom Community site off the ground. I have also partnered with another local Femdom on a new group we are starting and I am so busy I can barely go to the bathroom. My poor slave has been neglected and he has done everything he can to tell me so. I heard him and I responded. This morning after he served me my coffee and did his foot worship, I made him lay there on the floor longer than normal and I teased him a little while. This little act of attention let him know that he is my priority and that I want to be with him. How much do you want to bet a little more attention like that will get him back on track in no time.!!!

It seems really complicated but when you break it down into the simplest form, it really isn't. It is all about the love and adoration I need, and the love and respect he needs. After all, we are all still human!!

Friday night with a beautiful blond!!

First let me say that I do not drink wine and for good reason! When I am done telling you about my fun with a hot little blond fem-sub you will know why. There was a party being held at one of our friends homes who just moved into a new house. One of my favorite Masters was there, Master Len. I have tremendous admiration for this man. He has over 30 experience in BDSM and above all he is so much fun! Last Friday night at my friends house warming party he brought one of his hot little fem-subs. Before long she was naked and the center of attention. This position is usually reserved for my hubby, being the naked sub at the center of attention, but this night Master Len's sub beat him to it. She was about 5'5", 115#'s, 34DD and a 26" waist. She is blond with nice golden brown skin. She is delicious!!

I had just finished eating and was drinking Coke and whiskey which I am fine with. I think I was a man in a previous life because I can drink beer and whiskey with the best of them. Give me a glass of wine and I am on the floor drunk. So before I knew it, I was being offered this hot ass fem-sub to play a little game with. The instructions were simple, she was to not move no matter what, and I could do anything I wanted to try and get her to move. No problem. At first the rule was I wasn't allowed to touch her. Again, no problem, my words alone can do the job (just ask my little slut!!).

ML revised the rules and said I could touch her if I wanted. Even better! I had her bend over in front of me, she had her hands tied behind her back, and I pushed her face down into my darling subby's crotch. Now remember, I don't let him cum very often and I believe he hadn't cum in almost 8 days. I told her to blow and hum into his crotch and to not stop until I instructed. I proceeded to bit and lick her ass and grab her rope (she also had some between her legs) and pull in just the right spots. It didn't take long before she moved.

Once she moved that was it - time for a spanking. She laid across my lap with her head inches away from my feet and I proceeded to whack her ass over and over with my bare hand. Mistress Kali decided to get into the action and she came over and sat with her legs spread right in front of her face and spanked her right ass cheek as I spanked her left cheek. The next thing I knew the little slut sub bit Mistress Kali on her inner thigh. OMG - HUGE Mistake!! Mistress Kali whacked her so hard it immediately left a bruise and nice hand print. The little slut started begging for forgiveness immediately. That was enough of that for now.

Later on that night I decided to have a glass of wine - mistake #2. Out of nowhere that wine hit me and I was totally wasted. I had this hot little slut in front of me and I was teasing her and playing with her perfect tits. I noticed out of the corner of my eye a fellow male-sub staring and I took full advantage of that and teased and taunted him while he watched in total awe. Looking back I am completely pissed at myself for having that wine. This would have been a perfect situation to totally tease and torture my slut hubby. If I wasn't totally incapacitated I would have taken the fem-sub and my hubby and tied them together. Then I would have fucked with each one until they were begging for release, only to deny them both.

I have already decided that this little slut will be mine for a night again soon. Only next time, my darling will be forced to watch me do all kinds of dirty things to her. Maybe I'll wait for the Carrara belt to come in and lock him up and then fuck her while she is tied to him. Or better yet, I'll tie him to a chair positioned just at the end of the bed and then make his face be smothered in my ass while I lick her body from head to toe. I could go on and on. Yes, she will definitely be a nice little toy for me to play with. I'll keep you all updated on my next rendezvous with her.

Updates - Updates: What's been happening in my world!!

Well a lot has been happening in the past few weeks, when I wasn't sick that is. First let me start with the Kinky Karnival. This year in cash donations alone we raised over $5,000 and that doesn't count all the school supplies that were donated. I couldn't believe how many people were there, the turnout was exceptional. Now onto the good parts.

I did the kissing booth for 20 minutes. I was actually shocked, it seems I am a favorite among women, go figure?? I had the pleasure of playing kissy face with some of my fellow female kinksters. There were pics taken of this but I have yet to find the gentleman who took them. Once I find him I will have some delicious pics to share with everyone. There was one femsub in particular that I enjoyed. I will not share names but she knows who she is. Watch yourself my little slut, your ass looks like it needs some bitting (wink).

After making out with my femsub slut, I went into the jail to torment and tease her and my darling subby more. I didn't get the opportunity to be the marshall, but I did get a chance to play with some captives. First my femsub slut was tied to the wall face forward by her Master. Then I took some ice in my mouth and began to lick her just above her ass. My tongue was naturally very cold which she didn't expect. Then I grabbed her by her pigtails (she was a school girl slut that evening) and ran my hand down her back and between her legs. I thought she would melt just from me talking to her. Then I slid down her back and starting bitting and licking her ass. She was so much fun!!

Then my subby was arrested and tied to the wall in the jail. He was so cute, there were eyebolts hooked in the wall with rope hanging from them. I tied his hands and in about 2 seconds the eyebolt came loose. He offered to pretend to be secured to the wall but by then the moment was over. Before the eyebolt broke, a swiss army knife was attached to the leash hanging from his cock collar. Since it was public I was limited in what I could do to him, rats!!

I grabbed him by his cock leash and went to do the fashion show. I was wearing a nice leather strapless corset and a little mini leather skirt. I topped off the outfit with my diamond fishnet stockings and my "cock crusher pumps" which shows the arch of my foot very nicely.

Here is a little peak of my stockings and favorite shoes. Once the fashion show was over we sat down and began the auction. While the auction was going on I had my subby in front of me. It was a perfect picture moment and I had one of our very good friends snap a few pics.

I am just realizing that I have never posted pics of us where you could see our faces. I am not going to use a pic that shows my darling's face, but all the pics I have of that night have me in them. I guess I am not really worried about people seeing me. I am happier than I have ever been and I am proud of my lifestyle and my marriage. So here goes everyone...........................

Me with my darling subby where he belongs. This was the best picture from that night so I added a little mask to his face. I do have to say he is the hotest man I have ever known. Wouldn't you all agree??

So that was our evening. The last thing I will mention was the dildo toss. It ended up being the most popular event that evening. There were 5 different dildo's attached to a table of various sizes. Pretty much like horseshoes, you took a band of rings and tossed them over the dildo's. If you got your rings around the dildo's you won a chance to have your name drawn for Penn and Teller tickets at the MGM Grand. I am not sure of the exact figure this booth brought in but I know it was the most popular booth that night. Good job!!

Stay tuned for my next few posts. I had a very nice weekend following the Kinky Karnival where I got to have a little fun with a beautiful blond femsub. She was feisty, fun and beautiful. What more could you ask for??

Finally - I'm feeling much better!!!

Well I am finally feeling better (yeah!!). I have been sick on and off for the past few weeks but that is all done now (cross your fingers)!! I got some really good news today that could prove to be another sign of my future!!

Let me give a little bit of history!! For about 6 months, I had been teetering with the idea of starting a real life amatuerFemDom website that showed what life was like between a real FemDom couple. When the day came that I decided to create my site, I saw a friend I hadn't seen in about 8 years. His name is Master Len and he owns Fetish websites and produces real Fetish videos. It was literally the day I made the decision that I saw him at a surprise birthday party I attended. I had n0 idea that my friend made these kinds of movies or ran fetish websites. He generously offered to help me in any way he could and even offered to produce my first few videos so I could see how it is done. Talk about a sign!! You can learn more about Master Len here! (I recommend anything with Nicole)

Now, I have been contemplating learning more BDSM techniques lately and low and behold I got an email from a very good friend this morning letting me know she is moving back to Vegas (YEAH). Could this be another sign?? If any of you aren't familiar with Lady Ice Queen check out her sites. She's great!!!

Her Diary:
Her Yahoo Group:
Her My-Space Page
Her Website


As most of you know, I am very responsible when it comes to practicing BDSM. I feel very strongly about learning techniques from others and not just learning on my own. This will also help me to better my website through teaching videos for fellow budding FemDom's who don't have the luxury of joining local support groups. I will be creating a Couples educational site that will be free and funded by my FemDom site.

Life is so great when things come together naturally. I know from experience that when you go against your destiny (if you believe in that kind of stuff) life can become very chaotic and frustrating. For years I went against destiny and experienced misery. Not any more, life is finally flowing, finally!!!

I have had some fun over the past week or so that I haven't shared yet. Now that I am feeling better, I can articulate the fun and devilish things I have been up to lately. Stay tuned for my next few posts. It will be chocked full of blonds with nice big tits and subby's denied for two weeks and then only granted a smidgen of relief. I also have some pics from the Kinky Karnival I haven't shared yet. Wow, where to begin??

Stay tuned.........

Chastity is coming!!! I am ordering the Carrara Belt this week!!

Well, I have finally made the decision to order a steel chastity belt for my little slut. So far we have tried the CB3000, the Exobelt and Mistress Lori's Chastity Tube. I really think the Lori's tube would have worked very well, but my darlings piercing got massively infected. He ended up being in the hospital for a week and then on IV antibiotics for an additional 2 weeks outside the hospital. In researching my options, the only choice I have left, if I want him in real chastity, is to go for one of the belted chastity devices made of steel. The more I think about it, the more I want there to be no way he can access any genital parts without my permission. There are so many ways for a guy to be able to cum, direct penile stimulation is just one. If his ass and balls are accessible, with a little imagination and tools, he could orgasm. Now for me, the whole purpose of being in chastity is so he CAN'T ORGASM WITHOUT MY DIRECT PERMISSION.

Chastity does go beyond that for me though. The mind fucks I could and would inflict on him are very devilish. Once I have him locked away, in a contraption where nothing, including the balls and ass can be accessed, I will taunt and tease him that if I choose he might NEVER be allowed to touch or see his cock again. Now talk about a mind fuck. I love playing with my subbys cock and I love having good ole fashioned sex with him. I won't keep him locked up forever, but the threat is still there. Oh, the games I will play!

Well here it is, the Carrara Belt made by Walter Goethals. I have done much research, and since the Mistress Lori's tube didn't work out, the next step is to go with a steel belt. I have decided to order the Carrara Concept belt, which covers the cock and balls. In addition, I am going to order the rear guard, which locks on from the outside, preventing him any anal stimulation. Then the final touch, I will also be getting the outside dildo attachment so I can force him to have intercourse with me while still being all locked away.

Add on with Dildo attachment and Rear Guard to prevent anal stimulation!!

I have had many discussions that a devoted male submissive should remain chaste because that is his Dommes wish. This is very true, and for the past 9 months, he has been obedient in that department. I am going to use Chastity as a total mind fuck with him. There is so much difference when there is force to do something. A large part of my desire is to take my husbands options away from him. I want him to know with all his heart that I "own" his cock, just as I own every other part of him. I am taking this "ownership" of a cock a little further by forcing him into inescapable chastity. Simple!

I also love tease and denial, and if I want to achieve him going months without orgasm's, with me teasing him relentlessly almost every night, physical chastity is a must. There is only so much a man can go through, regardless if he is submissive or not. This is something I want to force, and I can only force it the way I want, through this device.

I am very excited about ordering it. I have researched this particular device since November 2006. Initially, I wanted to try the less expensive brands, but now I have the justification for spending this kind of money. This belt is very expensive, but it will be well worth it. I can't wait to have him locked up, the key hanging on some part of my body, his entire groin area locked away, completely at my mercy and torture for as long as I choose. I am getting hot just thinking about it. I'll definitely keep everyone posted on my progress.

Our weekend - Eggs, Midori and the Crown Suite! Part 2!

I am a little bummed out right now. I could have sworn I took pictures of the suite we had this weekend but I guess I didn't. I just unloaded my digital camera and all I have a dirty pictures of my darling hubby. I would share but I don't think he would be very appreciative. So I am going to describe the suite as best as I can. I found a picture of the downstairs portion of the suite, but I will tell you right now this picture does not do this suite justice.

I have already decided that the collaring we are doing in September will be done at this hotel. The Alexis Park Resort is a non-gaming resort located across the street from the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. Since there is no casino, it is not as popular with out of town guests like the other hotels. If you are not bothered with having to walk across the street to gamble, then this hotel is a total winner. Now the Crown Suite, I think, was planned by a kinky architect. It offers two stories with a wrought iron banister going to the second floor. On the stairs is a jacuzzi with metal railing around it. There were so many places to tie up my hubby my head was spinning. Then the bar stools and dinning table chairs also had wrought iron to tie to. Bliss!!!

Here is a sketch of the room, which also doesn't do it justice. Upstairs there is a loft bedroom with a fireplace. The only thing I didn't like about the king bed was no frame. This was of little concern, seeing all the other options I had for restraining my intended victim.

Finally, the coffee table had a stone top with more wrought iron for tying. I wish I had a week to spend in this place. The wheels are already set in motion to have our collaring at the larger two story suite, the Regal.

So onto a little of what our weekend entailed. First thing Friday night, I started with the table. Since I am such a nice Lady, I had a towel tied to the table for better comfort. I began with a nice leather ball stretcher, thanking Ms160 for the eye candy Friday. I went out and got myself a nice little black ball stretcher and some weights. After everything was stretched and bulging, I had him lay down on the table for some good old fashioned teasing. After about 2 hours of completely fucking with him, he was allowed to cum. It was late and time for bed. We had a big weekend in front of us.

Saturday morning I woke up ready to play. This time a "Gates of Hell" was put on and a nice little leash was attached. Most of the morning, he crawled around on all fours, fetching me various instruments to tease and torture him with. What was priceless was watching him crawl up the stairs, leash in mouth, for the fourth or fifth time. Next time I think I will supply knee pads (wink!!).

We were off for a long day at the Rack with our friends and when we got back to the hotel Ms. Kali and her submissive joined us for some flogging practice. After some drinks and good ole' fashioned laughter, we retired to bed for some kinky style love making. There was tons of moaning and begging. When I woke up I was ready for my day of pampering. My husband had bought special "pampering" stuff for our weekend. I got champagne, bubble bath, sparkly lotion and spray gel. Sunday morning he bathed me in the jacuzzi located in the middle of the stairs, with the railing. While I laid there, basking in my nice smelling bubbles, he was my eye candy, handcuffed to the rail. Again we ran out of time and had to go to the Rack.

Next time, I am locking us away in that fabulous room so it can be used to it's fullest advantage. I won't forget to take pictures so you can see how nice this room is. It was one of the best weekends I have had with my husband and submissive in a while. Much deserved by us both!!

Update on our weekend!!

VIOLET WAND WITH ATTACHMENTS!

Let me first say that my weekend was unbelievable. It didn't end up quite the way I expected but it was still extremely fun. My fellow blogger Catwoman asked what a violet wand was. Here is a picture of a complete violet wand set.

Basically a violet wand is a electric toy. What it reminds me of are one of those electric balls you place your hands on and the electricity follows your fingers around. The exciting part of playing with one of these handy little toys is the trail. I call it a trail, the technical term escapes me. Basically you can see the spark going from the end of the wand to the persons skin. My favorite thing is to make your body the conductive. There is a piece that you place in your waistband and it transfers the current to your body. Then you can take your fingertips or tongue to pass electricity through. Very cool!!

Here is another picture of the violet wand turned on. It has many attachments to use! I tried to find a picture of the wand being used on someone but I couldn't find any cool pics. This toy is pretty expensive, running around $400.00, but if you have the cash it is a great addition to your toy chest. Having friends in the lifestyle is such a perk. You not only get lessons on how to use these kinds of toys, but you don't have to go buy expensive toys you don't even know if you will like.

We had the rare privilege of meeting the International LeatherSir 2006 and his slave lauren. We attended a flesh hook demo Saturday night and it was amazing. I am not into piercings but watching Master Kalan insert hooks into his slave was incredible. Master Kalan and slave lauren are some of the most interesting people I have ever met. Hopefully next time they are in Vegas I will have the opportunity to spend more time with them both. Here is a picture of Master Kalan and slave lauren. To learn more about Master Kalan you can visit his website here.

I am very pleased to announce my darling subby got his Frenum Piercing this weekend. With Master Kalan being an expert in piercings, I could not have had a more qualified person to pierce my hubby. Well, I will tell more about that in a minute. Let me get back to my weekend!!

So, the portable massage table was packed up and taken to the Demo and party Saturday night. After it was put together I tied down my subby tight. I knew this table would be fun but it is amazing how tight you can tie someone down to it. The only part that was able to move was his head, exactly what I wanted (wink). Once I had him where I wanted him, I whipped out the Violet Wand. First I placed the ground rod in my g-string and started running my fingers all over his body, concentrating on his nipples and cock. He was jumping all over the place. Then I took my tongue and did the same exact thing. This time the jumping was less. After I played for a while I switched gears.

I placed the ground rod in a piece of rope close to his cock. Then I put a water bottle between his legs. I crawled up on his face to see what it would feel like for his tongue to be on my clit. It sounded great, and my darling Mistress Kali told me I would love it. Well not so fast! Since the table is pretty narrow once a second person jumps on it is pretty tight. My inner thigh kept hitting his cheek and then my knee hit his shoulder. In a matter of minutes we were laughing so hard I thought I would pee my pants. I gave it another whirl but by then it was no use. It ended up being a little like ping pong. A spark would hit my inner thigh and his cheek, so he would move his head as a reflex and then hit my other thigh. I was jumping like you wouldn't believe. Finally I said "screw this" and I unhooked the wand.

Since I was getting my hubby pierced I decided to be extra nice and let him cum first. I took the next hour and teased him like you wouldn't believe. Finally, when I knew the time was drawing close to get his piercing I let him cum, twice (see how nice I am!). Come to find out there were several people listening outside the door. Fun, fun, fun!! The massage table will be going to all the parties with us from now on!! I think next time he will be the centerpiece for our appetizers!! The possibilities are endless!

When we moved into the room for the piercing Mistress Kali and I stood on each side of my hubby, holding each arm with our thighs. He had never had any kind of piercing before so I thought he would totally freak out when the needle went through, but he didn't. He was definitely a trooper!

To all my fellow Dommes, I would highly suggest getting your submissive a Frenum Piercing. First, it seems to have made his little sweet spot even sweeter. It looks totally amazing and it will provide ultimate security when he wears his chastity device. You can also click a little leash to the ring and lead him around by his cock. What fun!!! Here is a nice picture I have found showing the exact piercing I got my subby. The only difference with his jewelry is the ring, it is a solid with the ball completing the circle.

Well that was my weekend. Life is so good now I sometimes can't believe it's mine. To know where I was at a year ago, you would be hard pressed to believe I am the same person. Amazing!!

Portable Massage Table - a party favorite!

I am so excited I can hardly fucking stand it. As you all know we have kids in our house so play furniture is something we don't have the luxury of. I have wanted a portable massage table for months now and I finally got it. My Mother's day present was this lovely massage table. And it is no ordinary massage table. The bottom part rises (as in the picture) and the padding is extra thick. It has a wood base so many, many eye bolts can be attached. My mind is racing with all the different things I will be doing with my darling hubby this weekend.

We are going to a party Saturday night and the table is going with us. My dearest friend (Kali Ward, yes all you subs should be thoroughly jealous right about now) and I are already plotting both of our subs demise. While I am dropping my darling into complete and utter heaven (subspace for all you newbies), my wonderful mentor will be dishing out sensations he has only dreamed about. (A note for my darling subby: Don't think this is all your in store for, it is just the tip of the iceberg!!)

I never thought I would be OK with double Domming my hubby, but I am so excited about what we will do to him I am like a kid in a candy store. And I haven't even begun to think about what her little slut is in store for!! I never discuss details of our play on this blog, but I wanted to take this opportunity to share about the table. It was $150.00 off Ebay and for all those out there with kids it is perfect. It folds up and can be stored under a bed. The kids don't know what I will do with it, all they think is it is a table their daddy can massage their mommy on!

Back to the weekend! I saw for the first time a few weeks ago fireplay. I never, ever thought I would be interested in fireplay, but let me tell you IT IS HOT!!! The party host demonstrated on a fellow Domme how it is done. He scratched, just into the skin, a moon. Then he took rubbing alcohol and used a Violet Wand to make the fire. He then showed me on my arm that it really doesn't hurt a bit. Well, that sent my mind working. Needless to say, someone will be walking around for about a month with "Property of Mrs.C" on their ass!! Then the Violet Wand on it's own will be delightful. We are going to use our sub's bodies (tongues in particular) as the conductive. I am told that I will experience pleasure like I have never known. We'll see!! I'll post Monday and let you all know how it goes.

Yummy!

Trust + Communication = RESPECT!!

Let me start by saying that my relationship with my submissive is not the norm. As you all know from reading my blog we have had alot of mistrust, disrespect and lack of communication for years. In order for the D/s relationship to work TRUST is the #1 component. Second to that is COMMUNICATION. What makes them both possible is a little word we call RESPECT.

Let me first start with trust.

Trust is something that has been broken between My husband and I for a very long time. Right now each day we are rebuilding the trust between us but it is a long, hard road to travel. It is a road I honestly wish we would have never had to go down. Once trust is broken between two people it takes years to get it back. If both partners are not totally willing to give the relationship 100% one will end up doing something to break the trust that is so fragile. Trust needs to be built between the Wife and husband, the Domme and the sub. As my husband, I need to be able to trust him that he is not going to go cheat on me or do things behind my back. As his Wife, he needs to know I will not cheat on him, leave him or do anything behind his back.

Now as my submissive the trust runs much deeper. I need to be able to trust that if I issue a rule, that it will be followed. If there is a question or concern, I need to create a way that my submissive can come to me and talk about it. He needs to know that I am not going to take my new found power and take advantage of him or play games. He needs to know with all his soul that his best interest is my first priority. If he has any reservations he will never really submit.

My duty as his Wife and Domme is to prove to him I am what I seem to be. Our relationship is a little different than most because of our history but the basic premise is the same. I have to be very careful that I do not treat my husband and submissive as a child. HE IS NOT MY CHILD AND I AM NOT HIS MOTHER. If I start to regulate him like I am his mother then he will fall into the trap of feeling like my child. Instead of openly communicating with me he will try to sneak around. His rebellion will surface. So how am I going about changing this cycle we have been in for years??

First, I am making sure he feels he can talk to me about anything. Let's say I place a rule on him that I want him home by 5:00 for dinner. If he takes that as a child receiving an order from a parent he might agree to be home and then come up with excuses everyday why he can't be here. What he should do if he is in the submissive role is come to me with respect and ask if the 5:00 rule can be altered. He should state the reason why he can't make it home. If I am a good Domme, and the reason is valid, I should probably adjust the time to something that is more accomodating.

But let's say I forbid masterbating unless permission is given. This scares my husband because he has been use to being able to masterbate whenever he chooses. He can either come to me and talk about it or do it behind my back. Anytime a submissive tells his Domme that he will do something and then doesn't he is not being submissive. The true submissive can not pick and choose which rules he will choose to follow. If he goes this route and his Domme finds out trust will be shatterred. There are somethings a Domme will order that the submissive will not like. It is part of the territory. The submissive can come to the Domme, again with respect, and discuss it. This takes me onto communication.

Communication is so crucial to any relationship but especially a D/s relationship. There obviously have to be guidelines, but the Domme MUST give the sub permission to speak with her whenever there is something the sub is having a problem with. It is pure fantasy that every order the Domme dishes out will be accepted fully by the submissive. Maybe after years and years of a D/s relationship, but not right away. Let me try and give an example:

Let's say (just hypothetical) I have forbidden my submissive (and husband for that matter) from viewing extreme FemDom porn on the internet. He has been looking at FemDom porn on the internet for years and years and he doesn't think he can go cold turkey overnight. He can do one of two things. He can either sneak off and continue to look at the porn or he can come to me, with respect, and voice his concern. Now, the Domme would probably keep her rule and forbid her sub from looking at the stuff. Let me tell you why, when a sub comes from internet land where extremes are the norm, they get a warped sense of what FemDom should be like. Real life FemDom (at least in my house) is no where near the extreme that you see on the internet. The sub needs to be rewired by the Domme, brought back down to reality. If he continues to look at extreme porn he will continue to have extreme thoughts.

But what the Domme would do if she was smart was control it. Join a few sites herself and then regulate what he would see. The Domme will begin to form his thoughts into what she wants for him. If she does that, he will not feel like he is cut off. Then you both win. This will also feed his fear of being cut off cold turkey. That is how the sub can voice a concern, have the Domme reject his concern, but yet still take care of it her way.

Communication and trust, once broken, are rebuilt slowly. Respect is what makes both of these two vital issues work. If there is no respect between two people then there will be no trust and no communication. Both my husband and I didn't respect eachother prior to transforming our marriage. I think the minute I decided to give the FemDom life a real try, and he believed it was real, his respect for me blossomed. Once full respect was rebuilt by us both, our relationship took off. I found my husband loving me more, communicating more and trusting me more. I also found the devotion he had for me deepened to a level I did not think was possible. Now we respect eachother 100%. I trust him 90% and our communication is better than ever. It is still not perfect, but it is getting there.

So there is my little opinion on Trust, Communication and Respect. Without them all no relationship, especially a D/s one, will work.