So you think you want to be a Domme? Read on!!

My last few posts have been geared more toward the submissive men and it is high time to talk with my fellow budding FemDom's. Get a cup of coffee (or whatever you like), pull up a chair and let's have a little talk. Since my perspective is from the female point of view I want to talk to all you Ladies like I was right there with you. I realize that no two people are exactly alike, but the more I read from other budding FemDom's, the more I am realizing the core of this lifestyle is the same. From what I have read 90% of the Dommes I know were at one time introduced to this lifestyle by either a spouse or bf. I have only come across a select few that became involved in this lifestyle on their own.

First, I am going to use my situation to share on. By no means did I do everything perfectly. All I can share is how this time is different for me than last time.

I woke up one morning and found that my husband had been on my computer the night before while I was sleeping. It took a while before I confronted him about it and when I finally did I got a defensive attitude and he denied that he was doing anything wrong. Typical behavior from a man that knows he has been caught! My first reaction was rage. Does this man really think I am that stupid? My second emotion was hurt. Since I still didn't know exactly what he was doing I really had nothing concrete to be angry and hurt about. It was the denial that got me. It took a while before I knew exactly what he had been doing. The first thing I did was think. I had some serious decisions to make. Was I going to leave or stay? If I stayed, how was I going to ever be able to trust him again?

So let's put this scenario onto you! Let's say your husband has just come to you and decided to share his submissive desires. Not all men are leading secret lives but you can bet most are. They have looked at FemDom and the desire is so strong to bring it to reality, they take a chance and talk with you. Or let's say you have found out that your husband is being sneaky on the computer. I can tell you how to find out everything, and I mean everything, he has been doing but that can be talked about later. Now, you can do one of two things: you can reject him completely or you can listen and then decide for yourself if this is something that interests you. Take some time, research the reality of FemDom and then decide if this is something you would like to do IF YOU WEREN'T TO STAY WITH YOUR SPOUSE. If this lifestyle is something you don't really find interest in, and you continue to go ahead with it because it is what HE wants, it will never work. Your spouse will have no choice but to top from the bottom. All that will make you left feeling is inadequate and unloved. See, the male submissive, behind all the fetish activities, wants to serve a Dominant woman. If he is molding you into his perfect little Domme it will never work. This will technically leave him in the Dominant role which is not what he wants. I might add this is definately not what you want! Trust me!

So, you have taken some time, researched and you are all for being a FemDom. Now what? How do you go about playing with this man? The activities we engage in can be very dangerous if you don't know what you are doing. Books are wonderful and alot can be learned about safe play, but there is only so much you can learn from books. Nothing compares to learning hands on with an experienced teacher and mentor. For me I really love the mental aspect of D/s. The bondage, teasing and games are a means to an end for me. I can honestly tell you I have learned more about the mental aspects of submissives now that I have in person relationships with other Dommes and subs. So, how do you meet others you can learn from?

The first is a local BDSM support group. If you live in a well populated area you can bet there is a support group near. You might have to travel a little but it's well worth it. It does take time to get to know others in the group. What do you do in the meantime? I know most of you will be completely shocked that I am suggesting this but here goes. I would find a Pro Domme in your area to take lessons from. You don't have to take your submissive with you (although after a few times I suggest you do). Pro's can be expensive but most will work with you if you let them know your budget. Pro's have a insight the average woman doesn't. They talk to thousands of submissive men and they understand the mental aspect of the submissive very well. Most Pro's have been in the lifestyle for years and years. Hence how they got to be Pro's.

One of my best friends is a Pro who has been involved in the lifestyle for over 17 years. She specializes in couples and she loves it when budding FemDom's call her for lessons. I can tell you right now that if it wasn't for this woman, my husband and I might not be together now. She understands the woman's perspective and the man's. She is invaluable. She offers phone counseling and she does in person lessons after she has gotten to know you and your situation via phone calls. She is here in Vegas and I highly recommend her. You can visit her site here . Here name is Mistress Kali Ward and if you are anywhere near Vegas (or not) I would suggest calling her. She started the PEP Buffalo chapter and she is recommended by Elise Sutton. The PEP organization is nationwide and the Pro Dommes they recommend are very compasionate and well educated. PEP's main site can be found here.

This will probably suprise you all more than anything else but I have become very good friends with my husbands Ex-Pro, LadyIceQueen. For months I was envious and intimated by her only to find that she is a loving, compasionate, regular woman like me. She accepted me with love and made me feel beautiful. (Kisses and Hugs to you sweets!) I expected her to be a total cruel bitch but what I found is she is just like me. While I am not grateful that my husband shared sessions with her, I am grateful that I contacted her and now can call her my friend. She was originally in Las Vegas but she has relocated to Glendale, AZ. Like Mistress Kali Ward, she accepts phone counseling and in person lessons. You can find out more about her here. I also highly recommend her to show you techniques and to learn from!!

In conclusion, this lifestyle is not for everyone. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE A DOMME. DO NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND OR Bf PUSH YOU INTO BEING SOMETHING YOUR NOT. While there are many benefits to this lifestyle it is not for everyone. If you do find this lifestyle is for you, please learn all you can on what you like. Be safe in your play. And most of all enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Enjoy the attention, adoration and power. This is one time where it is ok to be a little selfish and to make it all about you. If you do, you will find what you have always wanted. Care for and guide your submissive into places they have only dreamed of. This is the time to see what you like, what you want, and to bask in the lap of luxury. The benefits are more than you could ever dream of. As always, I welcome emails from anyone who wishes to chat. Let me know how things are going. Good Luck!!!

Wonder Woman - Where it all began.

I grew up the 70's, when Wonder Woman and Charlies Angels was all the rage. I remember being a young child, watching Wonder woman with her lasso, fantasizing about dawning that awesome outfit and lassoing someone, anyone. At the time I fantasied mostly about women, but as I got older I also fantasied about men. I didn't realize there were men out there who would be ok with being tied up and taken control of (can you believe how naive I was). As I got older, I felt that these fantasies were wrong, that wanting to tie up women and men was sick. I thought something was seriously wrong with me. Growing up for me was a very confusing. On one hand I was told that women were independent, and they could do anything. Then on the other hand I was taught to be nice and not cause conflict. The only problem was I had a very dominant personality. I expected to be treated with respect but I wasn't being treated with respect. I had no idea how to get what I wanted, namely respect. I would not want to cause waves and I always had a little voice in my head telling me I was being selfish"expecting" anything. Needless to say, I was confused and unhappy. What was wrong with me. It seemed whenever I had these conflicts, I would automatically go back to my fantasy. My fantasy where I was in control and I could do whatever I wanted. I figured if my fantasies stayed fantasies everything would be fine. Hence, I continued my life as being a "good girl".

I grew up in Las Vegas and my neighbor was the lead showgirl in one of the most popular topless shows in Las Vegas. Jacqueline was a french dancer, standing tall and statuesque. She had beautiful blond hair and she lived with her son (my best friend). I am so grateful for the powerful, independent role models I had as a child. As I grew into an adult I would often think of Jacqueline and the kind of woman she was. I remembered her being strong, intelligent and loving. She is what I think of when I hear Loving Female Authority. She was stern and ruled the roost with a iron fist, but at the same time she would love you after she disciplined you (she would yell at me and then hug me and tell me how much she loved me!) I miss her very much.

(Here is a picture of Jacqueline. She was by far the most elegant, beautiful, intelligent woman I have ever known. Tragically she passed away March 10, 1981 after a long battle with breast cancer. )

While I didn't grow up in a feminist household, my mother wore the pants. She ran our family business, controlled the household (servants and all) and took care of us girls. She showed me that I didn't NEED a man to take care of me. That women were more than capable of taking care of themselves (thank you very much!) This gave me a skewed outlook of men. If we didn't need men because we took care of ourselves completely, then what good were men? Well, they were good for sex. With my limited scope of what purpose men served I attracted some doosies. The men I was hopelessly attracted to were boys that needed to be broken. They were macho men, shut down emotionally and downright cold hearted. I didn't understand that these boys were really broken from society and that they needed and craved Loving Female Authority. They were submissive men on the inside who desperately needed a strong woman to guide them. Foolish me didn't understand this.

Now that I am older and wiser, I understand this perfectly. While I have battled with myself over accepting my true self, so has my husband. He has those pesky little voices telling him "real men" don't do this or that. Real men dominate, they don't get dominated. I never thought I would say this but I am so glad I am in my 30's. I have finally matured and left my silly girlish ways behind. I accept myself just the way I am. I know now that I can be dominant without being a total bitch. See FemDom is not about being a bitch. It is about teaching and guiding my submissive into being a better man.

In today's society, men do not know how to treat women. They think that since women are independent, and can take care of themselves, that they don't need to love and adore them. That is the furthest thing from the truth. The first thing I expect out of my husband is adoration and respect. I deserve that and he needs to give me that. He needs to be taught what pleases me, because no one ever taught him that. Well, HELLO, I have assumed that job completely.

Since we have embarked on this journey, my husband is happier than ever. My expectations are clearly set and anything less is unacceptable. He makes coffee for me in the morning and shows his devotion each day by kissing my feet to wake me up. When he gets home from work he cooks dinner (most days, I absolutely hate to cook). He rubs my feet and tickles and massages my back. These little things reaffirm our marriage dynamic everyday. When he does get that little voice in his head, I reassure him that submissive men are better men, because their top priority is to make their wives (or gf's) happy. Every man wants that, they just don't know how to do it. Hopefully, more and more men will discover Loving Female Authority. I think our society would be much better if more men devoted themselves to their wives. In the end, women want love, affection, and most of all, adoration. That is the bottom line!