What exactly is the role of the Dominant? Part 2!

First let me say I LOVE this picture. What a great way to start a cuckolding scene!! This picture has nothing to do with my post today, except to share with you all a little fun treat for a Friday afternoon!! Now onto my post!!

In my previous post I touched on the role of the Relational Dominant, one who is in a full time relationship with her sub or slave. I could go into greater detail but I want to stay to the point of today's post. Another role a Dominant can play is the role of Teacher or Mentor. When I first began researching lifestyle D/s there were only a handful of sites that offered advice to mainly the budding Femdom. Most of the sites out there either catered to the male subs fantasies (ie:porn sites) or were Male Dom / fem sub in nature. While you can learn Dominant attributes from a male Dom, I was really looking for information on Female Dominant / male sub. I found invaluable sites like MsRika.com, Elise Sutton and FemSupreme.com.

Then I found message boards like FemmeDomme.com and various Yahoo Groups. What I lacked was being able to work one on one with an experienced Femdom either online or in person where I lived. I did a post a while ago suggesting that women contact Pro Dommes for lessons which is still a great idea. Depending on where you live though, they can be very expensive and they can also not be lifestyle Femdoms.

I really wanted to learn the relational aspects of Female Domination and integrating it into my marriage. How to figure out what I liked and what I didn't, how to not learn from my husband and how to go about changing my life. A trip to a Pro Domme for an hour would not teach me that. So I muddled through Internet land, read tons of books and basically figured things out myself. Through trial and error I eventually got what I had been wanting. That process could have gone alot smoother if I would have been able to find a mentor and marriage counselor that I could have worked with. I guess kind of like a life coach.

I did find a local person where I live that I consider my mentor and now my best friend. She counseled me and helped me through the hard times and I thank God everyday that her and I clicked like we did. She is a very busy woman and I would like to spend more time with her but I cant, so I take what I can get.

So let me get to the meat of this post. Over the past 6 months or so I have had many, many men and women contact me and ask if I would work with them, either as a couple or individually and act as a mentor or counseling and training coach. In the beginning, I only had a few so I could still handle it. It has gotten to a point now where I am at a crossroads in my life. I have been in a situation where I need to go back to work. I am an accountant and I can make descent money doing that, but my passion lies in helping other couples and individuals transform their lives. I do not have enough time in the day to do both so I have decided to give Counseling and Mentoring a shot. With that said, I have started (really transformed) my website into a couples and counseling site. I have created an area called "Slave Academy" where I will offer Seminars and Workshops, as well as links to my Mentoring and Training Programs.

I guess I am officially now a Fetish Counselor and Life Coach. I do not have anything to offer other than life experience. I am not a licensed therapist but I have changed my entire life and my self esteem is wonderful now. My marriage is better than ever and I feel like I can help other people do the same. I am so excited at the prospects of teaching other women and men how to make their marriage and relationships better!!

Originally I had no idea how much my opinions and experience mattered to people but I have quickly found out how much it does. I now am offering Mentoring and training programs to couples and individuals interested in transforming their lives into D/s based lives. I will be soon offering Seminars and Workshops in Las Vegas to couples and individuals who wish to learn everything from how to spice up their lovemaking to how to transform their entire relationship into a Female Dominant relationship. I really want to save those women out there from learning from their husbands and I want to teach men out there how to approach their wives about their desires the right way.

The Femdomme Society did an interview with me and I will be featured on their site here soon. I am also going to be working with local establishments on holding my retreat and classes hopefully once per month here in Vegas. I am so excited I could scream. So what is the point of this post. Well it is two fold.

First is to get the word out that I am offering to women and couples my assistance and training on how to transform their marriage. I am also trying to get the word out on my upcoming seminars, retreats and workshops in Vegas for people that come here to visit. If you want to look at this post as a advertisement for myself than you would be correct. I really wish I would have come across someone like me, that I could have had work with me in the beginning. To teach me technique, advice on changing and all around person who was experienced in this lifestyle to help me. I feel it is an needed service and I feel I am qualified to offer it.

So that is it. I have my regular website going that is kind of a catch all. It is a regular site that let's people come in an see my interactions and play with my husband, but it also explains more about my training and mentoring programs. I am including a little clip I have done explaining what I offer and how you can learn more. Let me remind everyone that this is my blog and if you think that this post is inappropriate for this venue then to bad. If this was a blog representing anything else then you could say that but it is not. This is my blog about me and my life. I am now officially a Mentor and Fetish Counselor and what better place to include this about myself than MY blog!!

My next post will be on the Carrara Belt coming soon. It was shipped a few weeks ago and it should be delivered anytime now. I am very excited to finally get my subby into something he cant escape from. I just hope it is as good as they claim it is!! I will let you all know!!!

Mrs. Claudia's subby speaks! - Part one

Mrs. Claudia has asked me to post some comments from my perspective regarding our marriage, how we started in Femdom, some of our problems and some of the solutions. First let me start by saying I am a very lucky person. Mrs. Claudia and I have been together for over twelve years, most of which I have either been trying to repress my submissive BDSM side, or push it onto her. Not until now have I really come to grips with what it really means for me to be submissive. But before I get into what I think submissiveness is, let me tell you a little about me.

I am a 30 something year old business owner who has been into bondage and Femdom for over twenty years. I can't tell you how many times I tied my self up, to only find myself saying: " God if you get me out of this one I promise, blah blah blah. " We never learn!

Now I get to kiss up just a little. I can honestly say the first time I saw Mrs. Claudia I fell in love with her. She is a very sexy and inteligent woman and I am blessed that she is my Wife, best friend, the mother of my children and my Domme. Ok, so now that you know a little bit about me, let me get back on topic.

Mrs. Claudia and I have had a pretty normal marriage through most of our twelve years but I would say around our third year is when things got a little more serious with the BDSM. We have always experimented but I was never satisfied, there always had to be more. This is how I learned to top from the bottom. Always suggesting or pushing, dropping little hints to the point where my wife would just do things to shut me up. Then I think it got to a point where she did these things because if she didn't I wouldn't love her. That's how it starts! The games, the resentments, then the hurt. For all the submissive men this is where we lose. We push to get what we want, then when we get it, its been twisted and perverted into something that seems good on the surface, but there is a volcano just waiting to erupt underneith. Sooner or later the resentment becomes to much for them to bear and they either leave you or just completly withdraw from you.

Mrs. Claudia did the later. She withdrew completely and for the next four or five years we practically lived seperate lives. This is how it starts, the secret life. First you start by going to adult book stores to get magazines and books. Then you start your fantasy world masterbating a little more, than a little more. Let me just say the more we do, the more we withdraw from our wives and that's when fantasy land becomes more important than reality. Over the last couple of years the internet explosion has done wonders to help and hurt the lifestyle. I think that the more us guys go off into our little worlds, especially with the availability of the internet, the harder it becomes to tell the diference between the internet fantasy land of BDSM and the 24/7 lifestyle so many of us think we want.

Internet land is so easy you can plug in when you want, then just turn it off when you don't. NOT REAL! But it's just so easy and men want that quick fix. That place they can go when there stressed out or have had a tough day. I have to tell you on the surface it looks real good but there is no substance, there is no depth. I know, I lived there for years and always yearned for more. Like an addict trying to get a fix but never really finding what I needed. There was always something missing. Then it happened, my world came crashing down real fast. Mrs. Claudia discovered my fantasy land, my escape. Now let me just say that as I look back I didn't make it very hard for her to find. Whether I did it consiously or unconsously, I think I wanted her to find out. I was tired of living two lives. I can only imagine what my marriage might have been if I was actually there. I was there physically, but mentally I was in fantasy land.

Now, what was Mrs. Claudia supposed to do? The answer wasn't so cut and dry. We have both broken each others trust. I know she loves me, and our children, and we have both been through a lot. I think that the first thing Mrs. Claudia had to do was figure out if she would be staying; could she live this lifestyle? Would she be doing it for me or for her? ( If she was to do it for me it would never work!) I hope all the submissive men out there understand your relationship will never last if she is doing this for you, or your kids, or you marriage, or what ever!! I was lucky enough that Mrs. Claudia decided to stay and give our relationship her all. I promised to do the same, but I didn't. I didn't give it my all - I hung onto a little of that fantasy world I built. Why? Honestly, I am not sure. Was I scared? Was I selfish, or just not ready to let go of something I had for so long. You see I had the woman of my dreams willing to dominate me on her terms. Not to play my games but willing to love me and be with me no matter what. I had my dream woman right in front of me. This took me back a little and really scared the shit out of me. The trick is to submit to her completely. Trust her and learn to give to her first, and think of yourself second. If you don't you are only living in fantasy land, topping from the bottom.

In part two I will talk alot more about my relationship now and what reality is like verses fantasy land. I will also talk about how being a submissive man has helpped me become a better friend, lover, husband, submissive and father. I know that I need a strong women in my life to help balance me and I am blessed to have found one.

Mrs. Claudia's subby.

So, you want to hear from my darling hubby?

I have received quite a few emails regarding my husband authoring a post on the blog. I would like to know if there is anything specific you men or women would like to know from my husbands point of view? I will tell you right now that he will not post any overtly sexual components of our relationship. I am keeping this blog somewhat clean and as close to "R" rated as I can. Guys, this is your chance to ask a fellow submissive what it is like to live in a "real" FemDom relationship. He knows first hand what NOT to do when dealing with your wife or g/f about FemDom. To let me know you can either post a comment or email me directly. My email address is listed under the "about me" section of my profile. To make it a little easier I have given you a list of possible questions to choose from:

1. How does he deal with the struggle inside by being a submissive man?


2. How does real life submission compare to fantasy or internet submission?


3. How did he change from a sub-centric submissive to a real submissive?
   

Thanks!!