I know my next post was suppose to be on Spirituality and Femdom, but this topic I am speaking on today I feel is very important. It has come to my attention over the past few weeks that some men do not understand how to express to their wives their Cuckold desires. First, I want to make it perfectly clear that "cuckolding" was never something my slave asked me for. I took the knowledge I had of his other fetishes and then took MY OWN feelings on the subject and decided that this might be right for us. In order for a person to get past the fantasy portion of cuckolding and really get to it's purpose, you have to strip away all the fantasy that goes along with it. This part of Femdom is not very prevalent. I think I read where it only appealed to 5% of the whole Femdom population. I think I can understand why.
If you are a man and are going to your Wife with these thoughts of being a Cuckold, you have to understand how she will probably feel. I only give my opinion on how I would feel if my husband had come to me and expressed his desire to be a cuckold. First, I would have been hurt. I think any man that wants his Wife to be with another man in lacking in love for his Wife. I know I was a little upset when I first mentioned cuckolding to my husband and he did not react in jealousy. He was thinking about the fantasy, not the reality. It took me a while to make him understand that by him not being jealous, that I would want to be with other people, gave me the message he didn't love me. For why would someone who loves another person with all their hearts, not mind if that person was with another. I know I didn't like thinking about my husband with other women, so why would he not be upset that I was talking of being with other men (and women). Once I talked to him about my feelings and thoughts, he assured me that he didn't want me to go be with other people, it was the mental aspect of being so submissive to me that he would not leave me if I was to be with other people. Now that was something I could understand.
For me Cuckolding has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but the Domme and sub. The third person is strictly a tool, just like a chastity belt or rope is a tool. It is an object the Domme uses to help the submissive become more submissive to her. Not that I do not take into consideration the feelings of the third person, I do. I just make it clear to them that the main purpose of their being with me is to assist in making my sub more submissive. I will not be falling in love with then and leaving my husband for them. They will not become a slave to me. They are strictly a fun toy I will be playing with and putting back when I am done with it.
So, when I hear of men going to their wives and asking to be cuckolded or trying to get their wives to cuckold them by being bad lovers or whatnot, it will not work. It has to be the woman's idea to cuckold her slave and only for the purpose to make the bond between Femdom and slave stronger that I feel cuckolding would truly work. I am sure I will get comments of people telling me this is not so. Let me make this clear, this is how I feel about Cuckolding and Femdom. It is not law and I am not God. If you feel differently than great. But if you are a man trying to convince your Wife to cuckold you, you had better think long and hard about it. Make sure you have her understand that it is not that you do not love her, you do!! Think long and hard about if you are really ready to see the woman you love with another. The fantasy is wonderful. Thinking about it is fabulous. Actually doing it in real life is quite another. You had better be prepared for your Wife to either get upset or to possibly find someone else she would rather be with other than you. If you are forcing or trying to coerce a non-Femdom into cuckolding you are weaving down a slippery slope!
If you are really into Cuckold porn, realize that your Wife is not in the videos you are watching. It might turn you on to watch a bunch of performers act out cuckolding. It is much different in real life. Just please, be prepared and think long and hard about what you are asking for.
10 comments:
I think that femdom is only one aspect of cuckolding, there are other motivations/desires/fetishes that aren't necessarily about the husband being submissive to the wife. But I agree totally that it has nothing to do at all with the husband's love or lack of love for the wife.
You're right to emphasize that it is something that has to be carefully examined and discussed prior to action because it can stir up unexpected feelings in both partners, and that all three people involved must understand that the third person is not part of a love triangle. (Ideally for me he would be as I am bisexual AND have cuckolding fantasies, but that is another issue.)
You speak of cuckolding so eliquently and it is for those reasons You mentioned that i have changed my approach to my own Wife when discussing my fantasies.
WOW... truly one the best written versions of "cuckolding" that I agree with. LOVED IT
excellent post the cuckold lifestyle and fantasy are completly different things.
Dear Mrs. Claudia,
you are so right about this. I am a submissive husband with cuckold fantasies. Until now it has only been fantasy as my wife is not very dominant and we played with it only in our minds. Being in the situation of my slowly progressing submission, I have plenty of time to think about this (and other) topic. And I feel exactly as you describe it. Me being a cuckold can only be an expression of my submission to my wife.
Anything else might be called hot-wifing or it might just be dangerous to the relationship itself. Not that cuckolding in general is not a dangerous act!!! I am very aroused with and afraid of it!
greets, Henry
Thank you for writing this post. It is the clearest explianation of what cuckolding is. When my wife and I dated in college, it drove me crazy whenever she cuckolded me. During one of our arguments, she said to me, "Doesn't it mean anything to you that no matter who I sleep with, I always come back to you?" I'll always remember that moment. It was in 1997. My wife still cockold me today, and I always get an ego trip whenever she comes home to me.
Thanks for talking about cuckolding, Ms Claudia, something i do love. My gf and I have been into it for the last 20 years.
I think very often men into cuckolding think they would like being cuckolded, when actually they would like their wives just to fulfill his fantasies. Maybe she wants to be with more than one guy, maybe she wants to be alone with her lover, maybe she doesn't want you around asking for "do me this, and that, and that"... Sometimes cuckolding is just another way of making her submissive.
I prefer the other way: She does what she wants, and that's such a turn on, when you know she is cuckolding you because that's what she actually wants.
But as Ms Claudia says... careful what you ask for,... We are into polyamory as well as D/s... and that makes things "easier" for us. But it takes a lot of time to come to terms with your fantasies, jelousy, insecurities, fears... It's taken me many years to get to this point, and there is always a new boundary you wonder whether to cross or not. What happens when her lover asks her to have a FMF threesome, and you are not invited?...
Hi Ms Claudia, I agree with all you said.
Gettign her to undestand you do love her despite your sick little desire to be cucked is Cuckys big challenge for his intellect.
As a non-cucky man who has been both a submissive sex toy for older women and a dominant man, I can see cucking as an expression of Love is the man is really a poor physical specim or bad love....sort of.
But as I wrote somewhere in my blog, if a stiff hard cock is NECESSARY for female pleasure and orgasm, why do I know so many happy lesbians?!
Cucky wannabes who are not great lovers themselves also need to udnerstand they will may well be hurt emotionally to see the reaction of their beloved to being romanced, seduced, and sexed up by a man who is a good lover if the cucky is not.
Steps can be taken to keep it more on a just sex basis, something that is not often talked about in all the male j/o fantasy stories, but it can happen. Another risk is that the Lady may lose some of her repect for her cucky.
Please note that for some women their love and respect for their cucky =actually gows a bit, once they get past the reaction ms Claudia writes about in this article. But such a positive response is not very common, IMHO.
My question to cucky wannabes is always do you have a deep, close , best friend kind of marriage?
If not, why not fix that first...if you think that is a desireable marriage.
If you do, why risk that? Do some other form activity where a plesure is denied to him and allowed for her. or practice T&D and forced face didldo for him and endless orgasms for her? Again just MHO.
But if you do go for cuckolding, and you both care deeply for each othe emotionally and mentally...ALWAYS guard that, it is rare , precious and sweet! :-)
Thanks, and good luck and grace to all of you. Vic aka Oldbear.
Mrs. Claudia,
Be Careful What You Wish For is definitely the name of the game when it comes to cuckolding. The fantasy can be an unbelievable turn-on, but the reality can tear a relationship apart as jealousy and deep insecurities arise, often when least expected. If any man wants his wife to cuckold him, I suggest he think about it after he's masturbated a couple of times and then to imagine what it would feel like if he heard his wife tell another man, "I love you." Cuckolding is like playing with a loaded gun. There's always the possibility that your wife will fall in love with one of the men she sleeps with. Keep in mind that many women equate great sex with being in love. Of course, few things will make a man more submissive than to be placed in a chastity device, while your wife/Mistress is free to have sexual affairs with whoever she wishes.
this is my first time on this blog, but I found it very interesting. I will come back for more. By the way I really like to read about dreams, fantasies and lifestyle, so keep up the good work.
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