Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Tease and Denial. What's in it for the Domme???

One of my all time favorite playtime activities is Tease and Denial. When I first starting learning about this I was fascinated. I actually learned that this was a huge turn on for me even before I started my D/s lifestyle. It started at night when my husband and I would lie in bed together and I would lazily run my arm across his cock. At first I didn't even realize I was doing it.

Then I would start tickling his thighs and lower stomach, always sliding my arm and fingers past his cock or balls. Before I knew it he would start to breath heavily when I would do this. I began to do more and more caressing around his privates but not actually making direct contact. After a while I took it farther and would slide my hand over him and he would almost jump, trying desperately to get better contact with my hand. When he would do this I would stop. "You will just lie there and be still and quiet." Of course he did and before I knew it he was promising all kinds of things, trying to get me to go farther.

Wow, it is amazing what you can get a man to do when you tease him. Hence the benefit for the Domme. I was watching a supposed Tease and Denial video last night that was nothing more than a porn tagged as a tease and denial. The woman had the guy gagged and tied to the bed and then she proceeded to "tease" him for about 45 minutes. She even licked his cum off of him after she had let him cum!! Yeah right. The only one licking cum after one of our play sessions is my submissive!!!

As I was watching this all I kept thinking is "I hope the male submissive does not think this is what tease and denial is like!!" She was exerting 150% of her attention on him and he just layed back and enjoyed. Well, not in my world. See when you get a man so desperate to orgasm and you deny him that privilege, you can get him to say and do all kinds of things. This is where the benefit of the Domme truly comes into play.

First, you can get your submissive to a place he is willing to do pretty much anything, even things he wouldn't necessarily do otherwise. Humiliation play works really well at this point. For years and years men have complained that women don't swallow. Well, this is his opportunity to see why women don't like to swallow. Make him beg you to eat his cum off a dildo in order for him to be allowed to cum. Get him to promise that he will wash the toilets, naked with a toothbrush. Make him promise whatever you want. I promise he will comply. I am into getting him to do some pretty nasty things. You must make him do whatever you made him promise. If you don't, he will say yes to anything knowing you won't follow through. You can also follow through sometimes and not others. This works well when you get him to promise something really humiliating, he thinks you won't follow through, and then you do. Wicked I know!!

The best thing I like to do it keep him in a state of arousal for days. If you do this you will find that he becomes very attentive. The power a woman has over a man is priceless. The power that comes from knowing you can call him at work and say one nasty word and he is in instant arousal is HOT. Especially if you time it when he is in a meeting. You can make this game last as long as you like. After 3 or 4 days, a chastity device really helps to deepen the knowledge the submissive has that he is under your complete control. When you are first starting your D/s relationship, the strong D/s bond is still forming. It would be totally naive to think you could do a prolonged tease and denial play with your submissive and he would not cheat. He is just not trained well enough to have that kind of discipline!!

Other things you can do when you are playing tease and denial games is conditioning. For me, my subby is not a pain slut or masochist at all. I on the other hand am interested in more pain play. When you have a submissive you are trying to play with that doesn't necessarily enjoy pain you can have him experience this while he is ultra aroused. I love CBT. My darling likes certain less painful forms of CBT but where is the fun in that?? Then making him beg for you to do something he would never want deepens that Dominant / submissive bond. He truly has to grapple with himself to give you that power.

Then there are the mind fucks. When you have them tied down and blindfolded try this. Tease him that if he chooses not to do as you say, you will let him cum but it won't be very nice. Open a tube of Ben Gay and let him smell it. Then make him tell you what you have. Then tell him that if he doesn't comply you are going to spread it all over his nice hard cock and jack him off with it. It he is a feisty sub at all he will test you. This is when you pull out some warming lube. If you keep the Ben Gay tube close to his nose he will not be able to tell that you are not putting it on his cock. This usually works pretty well in getting him to do as you say!!

There are a thousand different things you can do. Tease and Denial is so much more than tying your submissive up and jacking him off or blowing him for 45 minutes. I don't even think that is the submissive desire. If you go and view Tease and Denial movies try and find authentic FemDom ones. If you don't, you will end up watching nothing more than a porn movie where the woman is there to please the man. I do love pleasing my submissive, and he is well pleased when I have teased him for hours, doing the things I have shared. Then when he is made to suck his cum out of a condom from my strap on he is very happy. Then make him thank you for allowing him to serve and please you!!! Now that is FemDom tease and denial!!!

There is a great article on Ms. Rika's site called "The joy of denial". She shares what the benefits of tease and denial are to the Domme and the sub. Go check it out. You won't be disappointed!!!


Anonymous said...

Mrs Claudia.......a very hot post, but i am confused by one thing. If you don't use Ben-Gay but just a warming lube, isn't he going to find it too pleasurable and accept the consequences of not agreeing to anything you ask?


Mrs. Claudia said...

Hi Leigh,

I do agree with what you are saying. The problem I have with using actual Ben Gay is it is very hard to come off. Once it is on, if you have put to much, it can burn pretty bad. That is the fun of the mind fuck, he will think it is Ben Gay and not find it pleasurable.

If he does then the next time use a little of the Ben Gay and he will change his mind pretty quick. It is all about keeping them on their toes!!! They should never be able to predict what you will do from one play session to the next!!

Thanks for your nice comment.


Mistress160 said...

Loved this post (T&D is soooo much fun!) and just adored that cartoon! May I please xpost it?!

Mrs. Claudia said...


Ofcourse you may my dear. I rather liked that cartoon too.


Mistress160 said...

Thank you!

femelle dominante said...

I also love the Ben Gay idea. So evil yet so incredibly delicious also :)

Ms. Tara Sterling said...

What a Hot Post! You've highlighted some great tips.

One of my favorite ways to use tease and denial (I do believe it is an element present in a lot of D/s in general but this is just one of my faves) is to combine it with ball busting. It is just so hot to see a man's member stay hard as I kick him in the nuts! One play partner of mine will let me really tear into him, all for the chance to peek at my panties!

Thanks again for such a steamy yet informative luckyoupost.

Mrs. Claudia said...

Ms. Tara,

Thank you for commenting. I am highly flattered. Now I have a new blog to read, yours!!


Daethian said...

This has, over the past few months become one of my all time favorite activities. Even over the phone it works well.

"First, you can get your submissive to a place he is willing to do pretty much anything, even things he wouldn't necessarily do otherwise."

This is so freakin true... it's a very heady experience to drive him to such depths of suffering that he will agree to something he blatantly refused before. And as you said... the grappling...the inner struggle within him is so hot to witness. It also makes me feel so much closer to him, each time he gives me a little more control over him.

We only play on the phone, for now but for months and months he has been in chastity to me. And he has gone 3 weeks without even being permitted to touch himself in a pleasurable manner.

I can't wait to get to play in person and practice the 'ruined orgasm' techniques I stumbled upon. teehee ... Poor poor boy, he has no knowledge of that wickedness.

Anonymous said...

I have just started a tease and denial relationship and the cartoon is soo true . My goddess got me to do things that I said I would never do before the cock cage was locked on me . We wanted to find some real tease and denial videos could any one help us ?

female dom said...

interesting post, I liked the theme of femdom I'm starting to like

Anonymous said...

BullShit , the mistress must satify the slave by properly riding him and sucking him and then drinking his cum to please him , otherwise she needs to be dominated and trained