Domme Guilt - When something goes wrong.

I was reading on Mistress160's Abode a wonderful post on Aftercare for Dommes. This is a subject that is not really talked about to much. The entire article was exceptional, but what I would like to focus on is Domme Guilt. What do you do when something goes wrong?

For me, I never expect something to go wrong, but I have prepared myself if something was to go wrong. I am very careful to never leave my subby alone when he is in bondage, especially if I am mixing sensory deprivation with it. I practice with any new toys I get first, to make sure I don't misuse the device. Well, so far, so good. But what about when something happens that is completely out of your control? What do you do when a decision you have made negatively affects your submissive? While I don't have all the answers, I do have some experience in this arena.

It is easy to tell others what to do physically when something goes wrong. If bondage has somehow gone wrong, then use your emergency medical sheers to cut the person out. If it is serious enough, call an ambulance or get your submissive to the ER immediately. You would rather be safe than sorry. My focus with this article is how to handle the guilt when a decision YOU make as a Domme causes an injury. It is so easy to say "Don't blame yourself, it wasn't intentional." Which is actually true. Unless you are a complete psycho I am sure you NEVER, EVER have the intention of causing any damage to your submissive.

So, let's say you have had an accident. You might be back home from the ER or just holding your submissive after a near mistake. I know exactly what is going on inside your mind and heart. "What the fuck am I doing?" "Maybe I am not cut out to be a Domme!" "How could I be so irresponsible and careless?" Again, unless you intended to cause harm, it is OK! Do not beat yourself up. No matter what you think, the activities we engage in all have a risk. We are human, and no matter how careful and educated you are, there is always a chance something could go wrong. That is how we learn sometimes. Just because something has gone wrong does not mean you weren't cut out for this whole FemDom thing. Just because we are the Dominants does not mean we are all knowing. If we were, we would be God, and that is not a job I want.

All I can do is educate and prepare myself. Make sure you have friends in the lifestyle that you can talk to. They will reassure you that you are OK. Make sure you communicate with your submissive that you are truly sorry and that you never meant to hurt them. Cry until you can't cry anymore. Then remind yourself, over and over if need be, that it was not intentional. If you would have known this would happen you would have never, ever done it. Sometimes we can do everything humanly possible to prevent a mistake, to only find yourself living a mistake. I guess it goes with the territory!

I don't want to get into details, but I just experienced a "mistake" that I had no way of anticipating or preventing. The guilt I have experienced was unimaginable. I am thankfully on the other side of it, but I was beating myself up for a week. This man's life is in my hands and that is a responsibility I take very seriously, as I should. I am a very careful Domme. I research and research and then research some more. I practice, practice, practice. I talk to other Dommes for advice and most times I experience what I will have my submissive experience. With all this carefulness, things can still go wrong. What I need to do is pick myself up, learn from my mistake, and move on. Some of the guilt is still there, but it is passing each day. My submissive is my #1 priority and I love him more than anything in this world. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. If I would have ever thought this would happen, I would have NEVER, EVER, done it, PERIOD!!!

I am not sure if this post is going to help anyone. This one I am really posting for me. To get it out and hopefully help a fellow Domme not run for the hills if something, God forbid, should go wrong. If you have no one else to talk to, email me. I will completely understand what you are feeling, and I will do my best to help you get back on track!!